The shadow creatures dance in the evanescent moonlight
Shattering the ringing left in the wake of so many screams
The nameless lost ones, the hurting souls deferred
Keening cries coloring the night richly with the blood of the damned
Betraying the path where Beauty met the Beast
The starlight a laughing reminder, the luminous stains aching
A vampiric resonance gliding between the silhouettes of periphery
Whispering sweet nothing to no one, a No One that can hear
Fear drips like the melting ice under a wolfs’ hot breath
Coating skin so cold in the tragic omniscience of pretending
The bones rattle quietly when the rest of the world is silent
Cackling demons sniggering in corners, ever thanking Pandora
The sky bruised from the battered souls shines purple
Dimly, it is haunted by the beauty left behind
The chains that rust and lacerate are unforgiving
Strung along in eternal torment, in a baptismal bath glowing red
Warmth evaporating quickly flies screeching through innocent dreams
Nightmares that torture waking dreams on this wicked, damnèd day
The hollow pretense is stripped away when the clock strikes 12
When a spirits oozing wounds are re-opened, and only we can soothe
We, the shivering némò in a nightmare we cannot escape
The Dawn is too far, and the end is too near
Lacing wire through painted-shut eyelids as the unlucky victim cries
The greatest fears dancing in the darkest corner of mind it can find
Until finally they die, and join the ranks refused by Phlegyas
The Riddleman laughs with delight, as extinguished forever is Light.
Author notes
Némò is an old latin word - originating in Greek mythology - meaning no one, or no man.
I was trying to tell a story about the souls coming forth on Halloween, when the veil between the spirit world and the human world is the weakest, and how they chose a victim who made it easier to get through (like a witch who cast a spell wrong or something). I was also delving into Greek mythology, with the deferred souls being refused entry by Phlegyas, the guardian of the River Styx.
I also tried to infuse some typical Halloween stuff, like vampires and werewolves, and a little bit about their connection with the nighttime.
If you have any questions about meaning or lines, feel free to ask.
I hope you liked it.
Miscellaneous notes:
1. damnèd = damn-ED; pronunciation thing (go Shakespeare)
2. I used 'we' a few times to signify that the next victim could be any of us; whomever the warped demons choose.
In a list
A contest entry
- 2008 Allpoetry Halloween Bash by Little Eagle.
12350 points, ended November 21, 2008, 61 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Nice! And a well deserved gold trophy! I love your word usage
My favorite word is "Evanescent" meaning "fading away" WONDERFUL!!!
(Are you sure your only 15
)
And, given your knowledge of All Hallows Eve, or Samhain, as it is commonly known by people of my beliefs, I must ask if you are wiccan?
"Pick up the pen and never put it down again!"
ASM
AKA Raymond -
Wow, interesting background on the word Nemo - Congrats for taking the number ONE spot in the BIG BASH!
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Congratulations on the Gold
Your gold membership will begin on December 1st -
Thanks for your entry
The notes were helpful. I feel there was a lot into this one, a lot for the reader to sort through to get the full meaning of it. That could be problematic as some don't want to wade that far in to a poem. But I enjoyed it. I do feel it could be developed more into a short story even. A little too heavy for a short poem such as this lol, and I realize I did set the restraints so I take that into consideration. Still I like the history of it and the spookiness of it. I don't feel you need to incorporate the 'typical Halloween' images as this did cover All Hallows Eve.
Never worry about commercializing a holiday in my contests, always be true to the history and the true meaning and you will go good with me. The imagery of this was well developed. A little hard on flow because of so much, but still a good poem. One of the contenders I feel.
Thank you for entering. Good luck in the contest and thank you for following the rules.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment
Happy Halloween and God Bless
Tammy
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Wow, this was well written, but hard going - I guess I@m not used to reading topic matter such as this but, but, I struggled on, and nevertheless realised when I reached the end that I'd actually enjoyed it best wishes in the contest!
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I think you succeeded in telling the story, but in my opinion, the mention of vampires and werewolves doesn't quite seem to fit in. Well, the poem is fine with them in it, but it would also be fine without them in it. Geez, reading this made me want to crawl into bed and pull the sheets over my head. The last line creeps me out the most, because I can't help but see the Joker from the Dark Knight...
Creepy! And awesome!
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The sky bruised from the battered souls shines purple
Dimly, it is haunted by the beauty left behind
those lines are amazing.
I think some end-line punctuation would greatly benefit this poem. -
I REALLY liked the subtle alliteration throughout this poem! The poem itself painted a wonderful, hallowing picture about a night. I liked the used of damn-ED, which pulled its line together nicely. I thought the word "beauty" was distracting when used a second time, and wolfs' should be wolf's, but overall this was an engrossing read and a respectable play of words! Congratulations!
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I meant to say i had no idea what the poem was about based on the title. :
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Dark and well-written, with much attention to detail. I had no idea what the poem was about. I'm probably missing a well known reference, but I'm not generally up on this type of material
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locking my windows that's for damn sure come October 31st!
wonderful unleashing of your creative soul!
ears/Seattle
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oh my
this was definitely one of the best reads ever for me. it's so enthralling, and fascinating with the unique imagery. very halloween. I really hope you win, this is AMAZING.
I don't have any MAJOR critique, great accents on damned, got that right away (total shakespeare nerd) the flow is great. spirits and humans meeting...er...maybe something about ghosts? I know there's haunting involved, and demons, but possessed demonic spirits/ghosts would be a great addition. I have NO IDEA where it would fit it, it's so hard to revise such a fascinating (for lack of a better word) read. Lay off on the Greek a little I think, go for a more Brother's Grimm approach. Like Sleepy Hollow, except a little less cliche and more ominous.
Keep in mind that this poem is amazing without my additions, but I think it would be interesting to see a revision.
Great Write!!!!!!!
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In my opinion, ghosts and spirits are one and the same; so, did you mean the word 'ghost' should be added, or the concept?
And as for the possession, the way I used it (re-reading, I feel like I put waaaay too many concepts in this poem; at least some people think it works, so I really appreciate it) was that the spirits (souls/ghosts) are possessed by the madness and restlessness from being denied the privilidge (SP? I'm a terrible speller, sorry) of crossing the River Styx.
Also (I know, the list goes on) I was trying to take it from a very Wiccan approach, so I could get the element of witches into the poem.
But thank you for your comments; I always appreciate genuine critique. ^_^
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