What was it like?

Back then,
A year, maybe two,
Was it so different,
That I was once happy?

Back then,
When I had my family,
My whole family,
Was I content?

Back then,
Before the deaths,
Before the depression,
Was I smiling?

Back then,
Do you remember?
Can you remind me?
I have forgotten.

Lost my mind in the deep pool,
That I stared at every day,
My thoughts escaping,
Diving into the pool,
Driving me insane.

Before that,
Was I better?
Did you prefer me like that?
Was I a better friend?
Before I lost my mind,
To the fiendish spirits that possess me,
Did you love me?
Do you now hate me?

Have I changed so much,
That I am not trusted,
With a secret, let alone a life,
Is that why,
Every time we talk,
You try to control my life,
Is that the reason?

Was it always like this?
Was I always depressed?
Was I always insane?
Was I always crying myself to sleep?
Was I always waking up screaming,
After the nightmares had clawed at my mind?
Was I always so angry?
Was I always so ignorant?

I can't remember,
Any time other than the present,
I can't think of the future,
I feel I have none,
I see a black hole,
I can't remember the past,
You remember better than I,
The question from me to you,
Is...

What was it like?