Nothing's Changed

Despite everything,
The deaths, the depression, the heartbreak,
Everything I have been through,
The pain, the anger, the fury,
The things I've put up with,
The abuse, being used, being forgotten,
Nothing's changed.

Deaths,
So many in the past few months,
Family and friends,
Call me an orphan,
Call me a bastard,
I've lived through it all,
Every day more painful than the rest,
Every day the memories coming back to haunt me,
Every day,
And nothing's changed.

Depression,
After everything going on,
The loss of those close to me,
The punches I absorb,
Forcing me to take a blade,
And glide it deeply across my flesh,
Revealing the ruby liquid stored within it,
Each day more join the last,
The blade soon becoming rusty with use,
My mind is screaming for help,
I'm given help but my body refuses to listen,
Despite that, nothing's changed.

Heartbreak,
Too much for me to take,
Loss of many, gaining none,
Shutting my eyes and closing my heart to the world,
My heart turns to a cold metal,
With one touch it burns, the icy cold spreading,
Like a virus,
Through the body,
Loneliness suffocates me,
Despite all my friends have offered,
They are not close to me,
I'm not been touched by one person,
I havn't been for so long.
Nothing's changed.

I sit here,
In pain,
As always,
My chest refusing to function,
My wrist crying to bleed,
Wanting to spill it's ruby treasures,
Onto the sheets of my bedding,
Should I?
I look deep into my thoughts,
Deeper than I have for years,
Deeper than I thought possible,
And yet, no matter how far I search,
I see, with frustration and disappointment,
I see...

Nothing's changed.