Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Buffed then scuffed.

Beneath the feet lies
fashion, Prada, Jimmy Choo ~

Scarlet defines cut and fit,
loafers for the lazy.

 

Calf hugging, sexual status
symbols totter, on alarming heels.

Silver tipped stilettos, denotes high
flying executive in power suit ~

 

Scuffed but well loved, hand polished
with that wax which reminds of home,
stroked casually by distracted fingers.

 

Boxed in soft tissue, a Ballerinas dream,
points fashioned by sadist, be-ribboned.

Slipper-ed love, fashioned with fur,
comforting, as only faux can.

 

Stud of the year, crafted by winners,
red white or blue,
Soccer or football depending on where.

 

Zipped or laced, black or white,
block,
or flats,
bridal or rugby?

 

After a life time, of pampering others whims,
the old man sits on the half stool,
the tools of his trade, of his knowledge,
at hand.


Quietly he observes his prey, noticing everything,
the discreet jewellery, the Tiffany watch,
he pounces,
another sale!

 

Author notes

POM
Subject; Tools of the trade.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • LadyDementia gold member
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ok so for a girl I am a little odd in the sense I loath shoe shopping and therefore it took me a little while to grasp what this was about I have no knowledge of fashion whatsoever as shameful as that is On tot he poem, I really did enjoy the idea of this. I had never thought of a shoe sales person having tools of the trade. The little things they must pick up over the years that we wouldn't even notice. I liked the imagery presented and the way you approached the theme. The flow was a little off to me in places but did even out with more reads. I think the other judges have covered everything so I will leave.
    Scores will be sent to your host at end of judging.
    Good luck


  • trista gold member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi there, and thanks for joining us in the POM!

    Although I have seen a theme somewhat similar to this not so long ago, I feel you’ve given it more than enough uniqueness to make it your own.

    Like my co-judge, I felt this was a bit broken up by shifts in subject. One idea I had...was to simply shift stanzas, with S7 first...thus creating a “sandwich” effect with those last 2 stanzas that felt most different from the others, IMO. Maybe a different stanza before the last one then as well...as I’m not sure bridal and rugby make a very smooth transition to the last stanza...

    Some tweaking with the flow and rhythm is probably the thing that would make the biggest difference/improvement though, IMHO.

    Just a couple of punctuation tweaks I’m going to suggest; there are others, but so much is personal preference...
    “ red, (comma) white or blue,” (A personal pet-peeve of mine, when adjectives aren’t separated by a comma.)

    “Quietly he observes his prey, noticing everything - (dash)
    the discreet jewellery, (jewelry) the Tiffany watch... (ellipsis)
    he pounces,
    another sale!”

    Your imagery is perhaps the biggest strong point in the poem, wonderfully done. When a poem leaves strong pictures in my head, it generally leaves a long-lasting impression as well.

    Thank you for your entry. My scores will be in contest final notes...and remember, no editing once a judge has commented, until trophies have been handed out.

    Good luck and best wishes,
    ~J.


  • islekine gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Just stopped by to wish you well

    in the contest...LOVE it!!
    lol....tried to find a fav. line...it's all great!
    write on!

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey there welcome to the POM I did enjoy this write my favorite stanza is the 4th one I love the images this left me with my score will appear at the end of the contest best wishes


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Unusual theme, thoroughly explored. Great description/images. Reads a little choppy, though.

    "loafers for the lazy." This line seems out of step with the first 2 stanzas. I'm not sure it works when you have two different types of shoes described in 1 stanza.

    The final 2 stanzas, and the 3rd stanza about polishing, somehow seem out of place. The final two stanzas seem like a separate poem; they're not tied in. Actually, these 3 stanzas are also my favorites.

    Perhaps parts of the first two and the final two stanzas could fit together somehow.

    I noticed a few punctuation errors.

    Lots to contemplate here, in terms of which direction to go with this poem. Let's see what the other judges say.

    Scores will be posted at the end of the contest.


  • Floorboards
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hehehe, excellent write, love the words you've used and the images are really strong,
    great work, good luck in the contest,
    Floorboards.


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an interesting write... Admittedly, I thought it may have been about shoes, but when I saw the subject in your ANs, it made a bit more sense. Well done, and good luck in the contest!

    Laura

    • cutiepie gold member
      September 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Lol..thank you Laura and yes, it is about shoes, but rather wanted the reader to observe how fashion comes at a price Thank you for the comments, as always, very much appreciated

1 - 13 of 13