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Eternal Spinning

Eternally spinning

round and round I go

the wheels of this car

burnt rubber in air

ow that burns, says I

as I fly down the road

laughing with glee

as I spin through the air

wishing to go only faster

just don't burn my rubber

gliding across this coarse surface

I grab hold

propelling my shell

as I spin through time

spinning out of control

I wish it would never end

as my body slowly melts away

from the hot road

I scream in agony

wanting just to flee

now exchanged for the other new tire

left to expire

for I retire early

my shell now stripped away

missing the wind fly throughout me

just a lonely tire

Author notes

The tires of a car gave me inspiration
POM contest
The life of a tire

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • LadyDementia gold member
    October 4, 2008

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    This is a wonderful idea for a write. I love the theme, very creative! I do think, for the creativity of the write the title is a little bland. I like the personification, you have made it quite a fun read. Really not much to say that my co judges havent already. A much enjoyed read.
    Scores will be sent to your host at end of judging.
    Good luck


  • trista gold member
    October 1, 2008

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    Hi there, and thanks for joining us in the POM.

    What a fun and whimsical theme you’ve brought us! I enjoyed this quite a bit, even while I saw things that could take it from something fun, to something that was also deep and would have had a much better impact, lasting impression, or ponder effect. The potential to use tires as a metaphor are numerous with the degree of personification you’ve used. I’d love to see this properly punctuated and with a couple/few stanza breaks, as well as digging deeper into the life of a tire, as Freed by Mercy suggested. You’ve shown a good deal of creativity just in finding inspiration from a seemingly boring object (IMO) now take it to the exceptional heights I believe it’s capable of.

    Repetition of words is not highly suggested unless used for emphasis...which in this case I did not feel it was, with there being so many words repeated in one form or another. The English language is rich with words that can add color and variety to your write, so don’t be afraid to dig out a thesaurus if need be.

    There is a definite shift in the poem when the tire goes from having a good time, to realizing what consequences were coming from that fun. (Are you seeing the potential for a metaphor yet? ) I also felt I could relate with the spinning...as sometimes life feels like that’s all I do. However, that shift I mentioned...without a stanza break or some kind of punctuation...seemed to come very abruptly, and made me have to change gears faster than my mind could properly digest. It “lost” me for a moment, wondering what (if anything) I had missed.

    Despite the technical difficulties I see, this is one of my favorite reads thus far. I hope you can find some helpful suggestions within the judges’ (or anyone else’s) comments and decide to play with this theme further. If you do, please send me a link...as I’d love to see what you’ve come up with.

    Thank you for your entry. My scores will be in contest final notes...and remember, no editing once a judge has commented, until trophies have been handed out.

    Good luck and best wishes,
    ~J.


  • Floorboards
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hehehe, nice theme, certainly unique,
    humerous poem, well done and good luck in the contest,
    Floorboards.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    September 29, 2008

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    First of all welcome to the pom I have not seen this written about here yet so it is original to me and I thought it was good but it could use some line breaks and punctuating within it .My score will appear at the end of the contest be well


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    September 28, 2008

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    This is a really fun and unusual theme - the personification of a tire.

    There seems to be a lot of repetition here, though - forms of the word "spin" 4 times, "burn" 3 times, "rubber" 2 times, connective words: "as" 4 times, "through" 2 times. I don't think you need the word "I" as much as you have it. The poem as is feels repetitive.

    A couple of times, you slip into third "person".

    Punctuation is missing.

    You could also brainstorm about what it's like to be a tire in the rain or snow; losing hold of the road, frostbitten, cold, drenched, hydroplaning. A tire stuck in a traffic jam, punctured by a sharp object, wearing patches, low tread, old, ashamed... Push the idea!
    It's a good one!

    "I miss the wind."

    I will post scores at the end of the contest.


  • Mistress Masquerade
    September 26, 2008

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    Very very unique idea here, I have never read a poem about car tires before. Best of luck in the contest my friend.


  • cutiepie gold member
    September 26, 2008

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    I could feel the speed and the wind...clever theme, good luck in the contest

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