i need to be heard
not bottle up in the darkness through sound proof walls
let my voice bring out the need to speak up
soon the defenseless will have a defense
and the voiceless a strong echo over the world
don't take away the right to say what we feel
it senses fear, ridicule, and the actual truth that we're right
no one likes to be silenced by denial of fate
or that you can't handle the truth and strength it holds
so we run away thinking it'll never find our shadow
the truth knows all and sees all
once we accept it we've become stronger individuals
no person is the same but at the same time
speak out!
be driven by the power of voice
don't be unspoken
Author notes
don't let people silence your voice to be heard. it's probably easier to bottle up the truth than to admit correction. POM CONTEST
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1500 points, ended October 5, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Off the Beaten Path by Shattered Remains.
600 points, ended October 17, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think? please, don't be too cruel; nobody's perfect.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Hmmm, interesting, I'll have to re-read this at a later date, not sure of my opinion yet.. thank you for entering.. It caught my attention and I will be back to examine it further..
-
Well this certainly has impact! A powerful write that is full of strong emotions. I see a lot of potential here, your line of thought is a great one. I am a little lost as to who was silenced and why, a bit more depth and detail would make this much clearer to the reader. Also it is off balance with show and tell, you seem to be telling me everything yet showing me nothing. The show side can really add to a piece, imagery, depth, understanding etc. Something to maybe watch out for in future. Over all I like this, it has power and intensity...something I can tell you feel very strongly about. And some people do need help speaking up, poems like this are good for encouraging others to say how they feel. I think the other judges have pretty much covered everything else here.
Scores will be sent to your host at end of judging.
Good luck
-
Hi there, and thanks for joining us in the POM.
I sense this is something you definitely feel strongly about, and it makes me wonder if you have experienced censorship in your writing at some point since you begin with “I“. Freedom of Speech is something many of us...myself included...often take for granted. If you do have experiences of this nature, I would love to see you incorporate some of that into the poem. As Freed by Mercy said, where and by whom, was this freedom not granted?
There are some poetic devices you could experiment with to bring a more poetic tone (and better flow) to the poem, such as alliteration, consonance, meter, and/or metaphors. Although it is a personal preference, I think using punctuation would greatly enhance the poem as well, as this is clearly not one long, drawn out thought. Otherwise, white space, line breaks and stanza breaks are good tools to help you pace a poem and separate thoughts, especially if you choose not to use punctuation. The one exclamation point used brought emphasis to that line quite nicely; periods, commas, and semi-colons can be just as important.
Please be sure to read over all the contest rules carefully...we do not allow graphics or borders, only black font on a white background...think of it as a white sheet of paper.
It’s a small oversight, but many poets can testify missing just one rule can mean the difference between a silver trophy...or a gold one. (I’m one of those poets!) So...just a reminder for next time...and I do hope you’ll join us again in the future. I see a lot of passion in the subject you’ve written about. If you can transfer some of that into a more visual poem, I think you would be happily surprised at the results. And if not...well, you’ve lost nothing but a bit of your time giving it a shot.
Thank you for your entry. My scores will be in contest final notes...and remember, no editing once a judge has commented, until trophies have been handed out.
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
-
Hi there first off welcome to the POM this theme is not very uncommon I have seen many poems like this on here and I truly think that the word I should be uppercase and also you did not have a white background which is a rule that you did not follow and I think that you could also use some line breaks in here so it does not all run together.My score will appear at the close of the contest be well
-
This poem tells, rather than shows. Poetry is more potent when it shows rather than tells. You tell us that it's important to have a voice to speak the truth.
I like this line best:
"be driven by the power of (your) voice"
Poetry gives us the forum to speak the truth, to express ourselves. What prevents us from doing that? Where is free speech not allowed? By whom? What will happen if we speak the truth? Who are the defenseless and the voiceless? This poem would be much more potent if you could be more specific, use detail, imagery, and sustain your focus from line to line.
A number of these lines are not connected to each other.
"it senses fear, ridicule, and the actual truth that we're right" What senses?
Punctuation is missing except for one line. Nothing is capitalized, not even the word I, which is the first word in the poem.
My scores will be posted at the end of the contest
-
Nice theme, well written piece,
well done and good luck in the contest,
Floorboards. -
Freedom of speech is our god given right and I wholeheartedly agree with your view. Speak out for what you feel is right Good luck in the contest
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
