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Petals To Be Remembered

That day we spent together
amongst those flowers
made me remember
how quickly had passed the hours
You giggled all the while
while I listened intently
being with you made me feel
so many things so worthy

But one day you walked up to me
said you wanted to discontinue
tore my heart into so many petals
and you began to start a life anew
I wish you came back to me
I wished you'd realize
how much I love and need you
because without the glitter of eyes,
my day's a weed
so unwanted and feared
I wish you were close to me...
I wish you were near...

I stood amidst this purple setting
as the strong scent penetrated my head
pondered upon all these memoirs
and the life you and I had led.

Author notes

Anagha-Nataraj
Contest Im Done With This:
2. Write about the relationship that you ended. (they weren't good for you!)


"In the end, I may fall, but with you by my side, it will be as if I had not fallen at all"

A contest entry

what do u think of my poem ?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27
  • Vera Rich
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry - you seem to have misunderstood the requirements of my competition - it was for poems about Poetry and/or poets. I wish you luck with this poem, elsewhere - but as far as the "Celebrating poetry and poets" competition is concerned, I do have to say "No".


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It is difficult for one poem to really fit the requirements of so many contests. I would have preferred a new poem that was more "in tune" with "Hey Jude". Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz


  • redhanded
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aw this is a great write. I enjoyed it I love the metaphors you use with the petals. very nice write. thanks for entering and best of luck to you in the future and with your writing.
    andi
    (redhanded)


  • Ryno
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    not feeling it
    ~prewrites, come and get them


  • leander Moderators member
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really love the image when your heart was torn in so many petals. Really - most people use that overly abused cliché (shattered in so many pieces of glass) that this metaphor really stood out to me.

    Really deep feelings you have captured here, that a lot of people will be able to relate to.

    Thank you for this entry!
    Leander

  • headintheclouds
    October 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good Write Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!

  • headintheclouds
    October 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really like the references to flowers! This is so lovely.


  • Walls-within
    October 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful..Amazing...Great write.


    • Anu-Nataraj
      October 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      =]

      thank u dear friend!
      good luck in judging the contest!
      much love and good luck in life ! ;
      Anagha-Nataraj


  • etoile
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was sad. I liked the imagery you used in this piece. line breaks in the second stanza could've made it easier to read though.
    I actually kind of like the rhyme you used, it wasn't very forced and it seemed to fit your piece.

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • aanika
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I stood amidst this purple setting
    as the strong scent penetrated my head
    pondered upon all these memoirs
    and the life me and you had led.

    'me and you' --> 'you and I'

    this was a nice poem, but I'm not a fan of rhyme and neither is thunder.xx.paradise.

    good luck in the contest


  • Paloszoo gold member
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful piece with excellent imagery! Unfortunately, the prompt you chose has already been taken. I'll have to delete your entry. My apologies.


  • xXGoddessofPainXx
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nyc

    This is a really awesome poem. I can feel the emotions put forth by you.. I particularly like the way you described your heart as a flower and its breaking into the falling of many petals of a flower.. Really good work.. Thanx for entering


  • CoundessaScarlotti
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really great example of "non-melodramatic" breakup. Definately my favorit kind of breakup poem. Good luck in this contest, although looking at the huge list of contests before; you probly don't need it.


  • fairytalelovestory
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is really beautiful gl


  • PrincessOfFire
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful emotions bared on the sleeve. Good luck in your contest.
    Rose


  • HaileeDear
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    haha sorry, i didnt see that :/


  • HaileeDear
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    mm i love the imagery!!!

    will you put what the option you chose in the author notes please


  • maralisa silver member
    October 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a wonderful poem the imagery is delightful good ;luck in the contest


  • Turning-To-Dust
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the metaphor of flowers throughout the poem. Just so beautiful and thought provoking. Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    October 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    some lovely thoughts here. beautiful word choice.


  • Jade.Butterfly gold member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Omg..
    This is so sad..
    and in yet reminds me of the same situation i am in..
    oh me this contest is going to be so hard i like each and every one of these entries so far..
    Wow.. this one spoke right to my heart..
    good luck in the contest.
    -Mandi


  • etoile
    October 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ap name in authors notes please. and I'll comment for real later.


  • SchizoChic
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliantly worded dear poet. I love the bittersweetness of lost love here. It captivates me! Best of luck in life and in this contest.


  • MissyMouse
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "tore my heart into so many petals
    and you began to start a life anew"

    This is a lovely image. The thought of a heart torn into petals. I like this part the best out of the entire poem.

    "because without the glitter of eyes,
    my day's a weed
    so unwanted and feared
    I wish you were close to me...
    I wish you were near..."

    I like how you compare a day to a weed. Like a shriveling thing that people assume is meant only to die and crowd flowers.

    All in all a very lovely write. I could use more images but it's up to you if you wish to do anymore with it or not. Thank you for your participation in this contest. ^_^

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