Within our companionable connection
we are attuned
to the same channel of discovery
Found both buried deeply
and in the top soil
these are the layers
that earth us
There are no flocks
of birds flying
in formations of thoughts
of virtual reality
We are at home
within our house
of harmony
A contest entry
- creative & raw by Dienush.
1000 points, ended October 4, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Beautiful! I love the first stanza especially - dont you hate it when its slightly off the channel and all you get is static with every word spoken.
bravo,
galfalfa
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Lovely love poetry...such a sense of warmth and belonging here; two hearts looking in the same direction. Beautiful.
~ Nicolette
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Really lovey loove
This fountain of us
We should all bathe
in this fountain
of over and under
and let the waters
of life cleanse, enhance, reveal
The wishes of all of us sparkle in the dish
Which holds our hopes to be drawn up to dance once more
Wherever our spring whatever our days might bring
What we feel today is what will mean most of all
When we feel confused by the chill of November
The fountain in the spring is what we remember
This fountain of us: winter summer spring and fall
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this is beautiful! a harmony of words to describe a harmony between fellow travellers.
-
"We are at home
within our house
of harmony"
Wonderful. You create a scene and a 'feel' of two spirits interwined by their thoughts and emotions.
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this is what the connection of real, life lasting love should always be. Minds within minds within hearts within hearts
Joe
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Wow, the metaphor in this is quite good! "attuned
to the same channel of discovery" is such a beautiful, expressive image... phrased very well, too. "the layers that earth us" is impressive as well. The third stanza I felt overwhelming with so many plurals and I thought it would work better for me if "thoughts" were in the singular, but that is only my opinion. The home-house word play is sweet, though I think it's kind of been overdone in the past. Very nice work, though. Thank you for this entry
~Diana
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