If you knew the lines I was torn between
You’d commit me and I’d scratch at padded walls.
Bloodless kisses and my thoughts, unseen,
Of a metamorphosis of hands to paws.
Deadly creatures of the night that prey
Upon my dreams and waking daytime hours
Overmaster me and I obey,
Willingly submitting to their powers
Of persuasion and of heated passion.
Why do both fight to own my mind?
To call their own in every single fashion,
Leaving me so helpless, deaf and blind?
Unkind, the rhythm of my heart I find
Two beats, one for each that I love instead
I cannot live with one, the two entwined,
Forever binding me to the undead.
Author notes
a running idea throughout the rest of the books.......
A contest entry
- TWILIGHT!!! by Missa.
525 points, ended October 15, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twilight & Tears by Asylaarix.
1750 points, ended October 15, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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My favorite line was unkind the rythem of my heart I find.This poem I find increadily sad.Like you are torn one from the other but cannot suvive with out both.It is to bad that you did not win.I liked your wording on this and your inner turmoil is undeniable.Great writing never give it up.
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Succinct take on the Twilight theme. Very nice language usage. Excellent rhyme, smoothly fits with content and flow. Nicely employed enjambment, and excellent story telling. Outstanding "unkind, the rhythm of my heart I find." Well done.
best wishes, and a Winkling Welcome,
Mirthryl
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All of us have demons in our heads, yours are intriguing, I like your words
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i love your mind set her
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Jacob. yup yup. ive written a few from him. they rhyming is a little funky, but great poem. good luck
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the confusion and some helplessness clothed in emotion is well expressed here...
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After reading the contest, I have a little more idea of the conflict shown in your poem. It is dark and a bit frightening, good use of words to draw the emotions. I was unaware as I read that this was a rhyming poem - excellent natural diction.
Welcome to Winklings; I hope you will write more soon.
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This reads well, the alliteration near the end added greatly and might work well carried through from the beginning. the duality of personality is presented well you lost me with undead, it seemed out of place or tossed in, you might wish to clarify or introduce the idea earlier.
well done
Ken
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