Fate, she whispers in his ear and
touches him with invisible hands.
She's a fickle lady, temptress, whore;
but those names mean nothing.
He will listen to the sound
of her singing in the winds
and follow her murmurs to a place
somewhere that has no name.
He asks another to hearken to the
crash of an ocean wave, to the
mourning of a violin, to the
very stars of the zodiac
and asks if they can hear her too.
But that is not her way.
She lures him, takes him,
leaves him tied
to her great mandala wheel.
In this game she plays with lives
she never shows her hand.
And she will win, for she makes the rules.
So he alone remains,
as the burning stars, like her wheel,
turn endlessly above.
Author notes
Prompt: Mad World
Ahem. Well, I did go on a bit of a tangent, didn't I? Fate is mad. Perhaps a little more...thoughtful than my usual works.
A contest entry
- Simple Free Verse Poetry by Dalaney.
900 points, ended October 2, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hmmm....well i did like it. I dont really have much to say against this. i think its quite fine. You paint an interesting picture with this piece.
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sorry for not returning your comment sooner: It is a beautiful poem. I cannot describe the feeling it gave to me. Awesome poem!
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Once again you have written a great piece. I really enjoyed the cynicism in this as well. Fate is mad, among other things
Great Job!
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Very deep, very metaphorical. The imagery is nice without being tediously overplayed and the comparisons are tight strung without being suffocating. Very nice.
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This is fabulous, cuz
The first few words grabbed me, and I went for the rest; hook, line, and sinker!
Something about this bit:
"She's a fickle lady, temptress, whore;
but those names mean nothing."
stood out; that part has the 'wow' factor that really makes a judge look at your poem twice. Well done, and good luck!
Laura
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boy, you said it! Loved the word choice and images you created. A great take on the prompt and sometimes poems that meander makes the most sense...does that make sense?
"mourning of a violin" and "leaves him tied to her great mandala wheel" were my favorite lines and I thought the whole writing had a very fluid and natural flow to it. well done and bravo in my opinion! ~peace~ Michelle Fey
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Perhaps the poems was meandering. That is part of its beauty. I like the depth of the poem and the way you used the vocabulary. When I see work like this I feel that there is hope for the cell phone generation.
Great job. I wish more people your age had this much on the ball.
Mike
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Young poet
Your words so much wisdom and truth. We often say... Not me.. But i can tell you for certain now. All our numbers are called and fate is in total control and unforgiving. Great write.
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the last stanza is perfect. i adore it. this IS a very thought provoking work. you should be proud thank you so much for entering. love, lane
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sorry, i meant to give you some applause, i will try now!
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i know about the games fate plays!! loved the last two pharagraphs?/stanzas? They seemed to really sum it up, thanks x
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