Magic begins
with the soft pitter patter
of tiny feet, fluttering
still nestled snug
in the warmth of maternal bliss
destined to grace the skies
a wide-eyed wonder
turn wobbly wanderer.
She has a name,
with his eyes
and a smile
to outshine the constellations.
She is roses, daisies
denim and lace
Life would never be the same
Since that day
she came tiptoeing
eternally into our hearts.
♥
~
Author notes
"I love vignettes. Moments caught and frozen by words. I want metaphor, simile, symbols, all the paraphanalia of a poem. I want to see show far more than tell. "
I wanted so much to enter and am not sure if this is what you are looking for because emotions took over, my dear, so forgive me
image credit: http://www.rszphoto.com/maternity.jpg
bg credit goes to Perfectimperfection (TY SIS)
this poem is dedicated to my daughters but also to my Ap Sis Wendy (PerfectImperfection) Her Mother's favorite flower was the lily and this image reminded me of that and so I used her bg and writing the poem I thought of her strongly to you, Sis
~
A contest entry
- Vignettes by tomisb.
1750 points, ended October 7, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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wonderful work
ooh wow this is wonderful work so expressive,
saturated with touching words, some great work here ..what more can I say.
Love and Light
Frozentearz
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Having memories of moments like these still make my heart flutter..Such a magical time and for me personally, time's 4 lol
I just love how this is so precious and emotional *sniff* Sigh~
Beautifully penning my sweet sister!
Jazzy
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OMG this makes me wanna have babies
this is so beautiful Mom this is like one of the most beautiful things i read ever
Magic begins
i love the first 2 words just grabbed me in and then i just got lost inside this lovely place through the whole poem
destined to grace the skies
a wide-eyed wonder
turn wobbly wanderer.
oh i just love the visuals and the metaphors
Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
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TY for the sweet and beautiful comment my daughter
BUT ........
don't get any rush lol You have plenty of time later for the babies hehe
Sorry being a MOM again
love ya,
Mom
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This deserves Gold! The moment of a child etched with such gentle beauty and love.
I so agree that trying to capture the heart of your child is the most difficult but you have a touch like no other.
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awwwwww! What a sweet and beautiful comment!
I am so touched and appreciate your kind words so much!
TY for stopping by
Lynda
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This is beautiful!!!!
Yes, it brought tears, but good ones. So often we take those little precious moments forgranted; the beauty they hold - and the stories they share. A lovely piece penned within these lines!!! Just gorgeous my dear; soft and tender. great write!!!
Thank you sis!!!
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Yw, Sis
The whole experience of writing it ...It just made me think of you and you have been on my mind....You know how us Moms are, always worrying lol
love ya
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beautiful write... they truly are gifts from heaven, and something I personally think too many people are granted just beautiful as always, havent come across a write from you that didnt ooze beauty..
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To try to create a vignette on the child and it coming into the life of poet, is to me a far greater gift then I could attempt. I know, I have tried to capture it about my own son and failed miserably. Here you catch the feeling of the gift, the sense of being entrusted and the fact that it takes the effort of two to make it all feel round and whole.
Is this a perfect vignette? I don't think so. There is perhaps a little too much tell, particularly towards the end of the poem. Do you balance tell against the show well? I think you succeed rather nicely.
I promised I was not going to put anyones poem on my analytical operating table, so I hope that this is deep enough to reflect my thoughts and respectful enough of your poem to have you feel welcome and appreciated.
Peace & Love,
Tom Burson
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Thank you, Tom....I just really wanted to enter and the experience touched me and I knew towards the end, I was starting to "tell" but my emotions got the best of me
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deep and powerful emotions explored but delicately placed before the reader so that they may savour their own conclusions. very well done and I'm sure wendy will appreciate such a loving tribute
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