Weeds
poking up between
cracks in the sidewalk
Only to be crushed
by hurried feet
in red pumps
"Taxi!"
She wails through
dripping mascara
as the weed is
smashed once again
This time
by Italian loafers
"Baby, wait!"
he shouts
as she drives away
A passerby honks
and gives him the finger
"Get out of the street!"
So the scuffed Italian loafers
shuffle out of the road
"We'll be ok,"
she whispers to her baby
as she falls asleep
for the first time
in what feels like forever
Author notes
I was thinking about plants in cities, how they have to fight to survive, and how that applies to people. By the way, the lady's pregnant. She's not cheating and she doesn't have a newborn.
One user (sorry, can't remember your username) brought up an interesting view that the weed mentioned was a metaphor for how the woman with red pumps had been abused by 'italian loafers' guy. While I didn't have this in mind when I wrote the poem, it fits really well and gives dimension to the 'crushed weed.' Basically, I really like the idea of using the weed as a metaphor.
I hope this is sort of what you were looking for.
A contest entry
- Thoughts & Emotions by albinoblacksheep720.
700 points, ended November 27, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do whatever you want :D by MysteriousStrangerX.
1000 points, ended January 1, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one; [&my weakness is that i care too much♥] by innocence jaded.xx.
1200 points, ended January 18, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me imagery, then explain your poem by Topnotchsy.
400 points, ended February 18, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter all your poems. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended February 20, 281 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I won't bite you if you don't like it. BE HONEST.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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intersting ... i'll admit it wasn't really my style, and, so not what I was looking for in this contest, BUT thanks for taking the time to enter
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I like this a lot. I've read it in the past, and it was nice to get a chance to read it again. The imagery is quite clear, enough to not really need the Author Notes much, (which is great) but the Notes added a bit more to the picture. Good luck in the contest.
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i liked the repetition and the way you mentioned what kind of shoes they were wearing.
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I like the repitition in it. It makes me feel like I'm in a city street.
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8
I like where you were going with this, but I think you could've done more. Your points were visually abstract, and I liked how you wrote it, but I think you could add more emotion. Thank you for entering (: -
Well lass if you ever been to NY you know that staying alive yourself is a good end to a day.
But it shows your poetic humanity to think of the things that really had no choice in their environment.
We step on one another .....
only the pure poet would look at every day life through this wondering lens.
Superb and sophisticated images were conveyed.
Great job lass!
Peace always,
Lowell Poe.
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I really enjoyed this, ive never been to america, but this gave me a real sense of it, very creatively done
thanks
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I like this a lot. Really captures New York City from a very interesting and different perspective.
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This has some fantastic imagery and emotion.
Great write!
I enjoyed it. (: -
really strong imagery here! such a great work!
thanks for entering
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I could easily visualize
the entire piece
Great detail, Imagery and
word choice.
thanks for sharing and
good luck in the contest
~Pastel
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Hm... Interesting
I know you said it's on a thought but a result of it. And may I say that the result was outstanding. It was very creative. I saw it all in my head. Nice detail. Great work. Good luck. -
nice i liked it sorry for the rubish review jst every ones else has said ever thing
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a comment
ok, i think that this poem is a good take on life. using something most people don't pay attention to to tell a story is really original. -
Awesome write. Yes, I did think it was original. I like the way you used the weeds as a metaphor for the woman and her will to survive despite her pregnancy and breakup. The implication that she has suffered at the hands of "Italian loafers" guy is nicely understated by the metaphor. I also like the detail of the other guy coming along and cursing out her boyfriend. This is a nice portayal of the city from a unique perspective, and I feel it works very well. Nice job!
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This is really good!
I liked it quite a bit.
You never read poems about weeds in the city. :]
One thing that surprised me was the fact that a pregnant woman was wearing heels! She must be very skilled!
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I like this! It flows well and the story is nicely done. Great job!
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