We totally misunderstood eachother,
I believed you were made of lies,
and you thought I was tremendously mad
and the absence of pure communication
led to assumptions that made us both
horribly sad.
When our gazes joined
and we told eachother how we had felt,
we shared an equal feeling of pain,
so eachother's grasps we held
Back and forth, the cries
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" came
Until finally we settled down
and decided to play a game
of who could squeeze the other
the tightest
and I found myself back
in your arms,
those moments are
so totally the nicest.
Author notes
okay, it turns out he hadn't lied about love, or forgotten our friendship! yayz! i can smile again! and give meaningful hugs! his hugs are the greatest lol =) <3
- So you want comments group list • next in list
A contest entry
- The Best of Poetry by headintheclouds.
450 points, ended October 30, 2008, 44 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
any comments/ suggestions?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I think in the first line there should be a space between each and other. Also I think the word 'tremendously' really is too bulky in this sentence.
Again in the third stanza each and other should be seperate.
The last line I think you sohuld revise, the word nicest is horrible. There are many words you could use in its stead but I really think it ruins the flow fo the poem. Other than that, I really liked the story of the poem and the way it was written, I jus think you need to tweak a few things, hope this was constructive =)
Laura -
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thanks so much for your wonderful constructive criticism
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i like this. especially when you can set aside differences and still find ways to love each other and never let go. good piece
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thank you very much! hugglez
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OHH i liked this.. its so amazing how young love can be miss understood!!!
''Until finally we settled down
and decided to play a game
of who could squeeze the other
the tightest""
Thank you for penning this write!!!! I really like it and its worth that trophy!! -
Until finally we settled down
and decided to play a game
of who could squeeze the other
the tightest
i really liked these lines here. glad you are happy now!! yayyy!!
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Oh, darling!
This is a very good bronze winning poem! It shows the vicissitudes of life and young love! It also suggests that you are maturing in your approach to love and perhaps are choosing better relationships! Good work!
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LOL
"So totally the nicest!" that part made me laugh. Good ending. I just love this poem. It is A-mazing. Good job! and good luck in my contest! -
awsome job!!! write baby write! lolz
huggelz!!
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he thought right... you are "tremendously mad" but in the bestest way lol
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yay!!! omg!! this makes me happeh! lol. this was another great write from you adria.
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aw, thank you, Chippy! =) hugglez!
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