grape leaves fold, simulating bird wings,
migrating to ground ~
an insulating thermometer
large as Mexico:
weeds follow wind like palm foliage
I look up to the sky of vines
and they hover, generous as pets;
six inches distanced
with a song in my backpack,
I notice mango-soft feathers
of the underbelly
In a list
A contest entry
- Clean and Simple by Peripatetic.
1500 points, ended October 20, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Goodbye Poetry by poppa.
14089 points, ended October 18, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i'll interested in your perspective, please give kind critiques
Comments
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The author allows us to make of this what we will, describing only the view and not the setting.
I found myself lying under a grape arbor finding shapes and patterns in the leaves and vines overhead just as I might lie out in a field and find all sorts of images in the clouds. The poem invites us to be a companion with the author in her idyllic fancies.
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beautiful
I love the imagery in this. The only thing I didin't like was the "kind as pets." Considering the use of language through out the rest of the piece it sounds flat when I read it aloud. The rest of it, however, magnificent.
Lori
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As much as I loved that very phrase, I took your idea and laid it on the scale. I think it might balence a little better now, come see if you wish. Thank you for noticing my run of emotion otherwise, and how you wanted the impact of that thorough.
I'd like this to win gold lol
Daisy
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