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The Wake

Silently, she waits for closure
Free from a worldly exposure
Drained from all that irritates
For closure; silently she waits

She rests in dark mahogany
With open lid for all to see
A passive smile for all her guests
In dark mahogany she rests

Her life was short I hear them say
As they pass by where now she lay
She looks at peace they all purport
I hear them say her life was short

She soon shall lie beneath the ground
Her soul shall soon be heaven bound
Comfort lies in her composure
Silently, she waits for closure

 

 

 

Author notes

Modified Swap Quatrain

In a list

A contest entry

Comments:

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Paloszoo gold member
    September 30, 2008

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    Stunningly dark and poignant. I would expect nothing less than brilliant from you! I would love to have a fraction of your talent! Congrats on the well deserved gold!


  • trekkergirl
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    interesting.


  • second-born
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow...this is so dark and sad...and you've written it in a very effective way...it's nice to read a modifiied swap quatrain...I'm learning a lot from you...God bless!!!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Simply stunning sis!!

    This just flows beautifully and the subtle sadness touches the heart!

    I really love this form, one day I may even give it a go lol



  • Tirrell
    September 25, 2008

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    This leaves my mind in mortal drift, as the deep memories stir of the darkening past, I love the spiritual warmth of this. Its flow is smoothe and seemingly effortless. Most well done peice indeed.


  • Poetic-Theorem gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I had to glance at that prompt and thought WOW
    What a splendid job you have done here
    Very cool form (Difficult as well)
    Great imagery and you used the form to its full potential
    Wish you the best in the contest
    Much love

    David


  • Deaths Servant
    September 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice. Good Luck!


  • echo-ink
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sad and wonderful,

    You hit the nail on the head,
    this is exactly what people say, and how it goes.
    You have brought this death scene to life, BRAVO!
    Love ya, Bella Boo xx


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the set up with an obviously swappable final first line and then not to use it but to turn back to the beginning.
    This is real poetry in a form that in most people's hands is just a toy, a game of ping pong. You play serious table tennis.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm... almost too wistful to be dark... very atmospheric, Sis. It had me sitting here reading it through several times.


  • Lady Eventide
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Man. You blew mine out of the water! I really like form poetry. This has a nice flow, and the words chosen were excellent. I can imagine it extremely well. Well done and best of luck.

1 - 12 of 12