Content

Life, as others have said so much more eloquently than I can, is confusing. What we desired when we were young, and worked so hard to achieve, or not achieve, does not seem to matter much later. I wanted many of the things I got, a wife, a family, a car and all the trappings of a middle-aged, middle class, middle of the road kind of life.

The problem with desires is, you do not flesh them out. You have dreams, but they are hollow, I wanted a wife, but I did not stop to think what that meant, and even if I had, people change and now? I still have a wife, but she is a friend not a lover. We had children, but they are well past needing me, I love them all, but they are not a reason to live. A house? just the place where I sleep at night, a car? have you seen the price of petrol? No these were the desires of my youth and I am glad that I found them.

True desires are deeper, darker, stronger and more compelling. The need to be heard, the need to know, to love and more than that to be loved. These are my desires now, I now know desires are not things that end, things you achieve, things you can wrap up and place for safety in a cupboard under the stairs. Desires are alive, more alive than we are maybe, stronger certainly and yet fragile.

Now I know my desires, I know that working towards them is the real goal, I know I am in love, I know I am loved, as a friend, and I hope as more. I am content to be ever striving for more, content that I shall always work towards perfection and never come close. Content to desire somethings more than I can bear and content to hope that one person desires me too.