there is pressure –
fifteen shades of thick
burning tally marks
into bruised psyches;
Hercules and his 10,000 clones
carving their spines out
behind my eyeballs.
please hear what I am not saying –
dig between columns of
twitching muscle, and
grinding teeth –
I often lose myself
in neverland, and etch
my memoirs into - - -
plastic tombstones with
no names…
just pictures.
my pupils are flexing,
breaking in half and
weighing down the tendons
in my face - -
there is beauty
in the desperation of
clawing through callous layers
and forcing yourself
back into place.
Author notes
Prompt: unfurling frowns
not too sure about this... basically, what i'm trying to convey is... in the beginning i was whole, and then as i grew, things just chipped away at me and made me smaller and smaller. uhm... i dunno... again, how i'm feeling lately. sorry if this wasn't what you were looking for. feel free to DQ if it's not. trust me, i'll understand 
40/100
In a list
A contest entry
- § pink lemonade and hissing serpents § by notorious.
702 points, ended October 10, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want new favourites. by broken-colours.
400 points, ended December 2, 2008, 36 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
For a Contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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this was very well written, although i do suggest you take the 'neverland' out. it in my opinion put an awful kink to the flow of the rest of the poem. but then again thats just how i see it good luck!
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Thanks for your input! I'll try and edit this at some point.
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"fifteen shades of thick
burning tally marks
into bruised psyches;
Hercules and his 10,000 clones
carving their spines out
behind my eyeballs."
Wow, what a headache! *chuckles* This was brilliant. All the painful imagery and the words unspoken, begging for some sort of recognition. And your author's notes helped piece it together a bit more.
Great job! And congrats on the gold from a previous contest.
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Wow...this is really good. The form is so unusual but works well with the mood. I enjoyed this and read it a few times to appreciate all of it.
"there is beauty
in the desperation of
clawing through callous layers
and forcing yourself
back into place."
--I love this part, great mood and imagery.
Awesome poem, thank you for sharing with the group!
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please hear what I am not saying –
amazing
my pupils are flexing,
breaking in half and
weighing down the tendons
in my face - -
<3
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I was kinda speechless the first time, but here is a full-blown comment...
My ONLY nitpick:
"plastic tombstones with
no names…"
Awesome imagery, but I think 'without' would be a better and snappier word choice than "with no".
Also, that ellipsis after 'names' feels unnecessarily dramatic--your words are so strong and you definitely don't need it.
The rest:
Holy crackers.
Just so good.
Thanks for entering.
Tell me if you change it
Jessica -
I think this is so brilliant.
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wannabe realism
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Hmmm... would you mind too terribly giving me another prompt? Nothing's coming for this one. =S Sorry!
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unfurled frown
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