The dust collected inside her eyes,
[h y p n o t i c]
chaotic blinds of pure irrelevancy.
We wished on this rough draft,
she used to be a masterpiece,
a sewn up, halfway stitched piece of gold.
Now she curses when elevators are slow,
leans in too far, breasts enveloping the counter, hoping that the next cashier will notice that she could be the next Marilyn Monroe.
a cigarette sticks out of her mouth, dirty oxygen filling the penciled-in air.
She doesn't take time to find out what she lacks,
nor does she c a r e.
This is the Tv Guide--
cut-to-the-chase version that children's movies don't care to show.
The sulky, chalky underbelly that is the sex gauge that women like her fuel off of.
She w a l k e d in one day,
& burned a big, shiny hole in my last year,
I'm waiting to see what she has in store this year.
Author notes
I don't think this is finished.
Comments?
A contest entry
- E.M.O ~ PoEmS xxx && brokenrosessooooofocate by Ryno.
400 points, ended December 8, 2008, 36 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Little seeds of poetic verses.
Comments
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I love the descriptiveness of this poem, the nitty gritty details which makes it enjoyable to read.
I like this line a lot:
"a sewn up, halfway stitched piece of gold."
I would just say "half" though, not "halfway"
Congrats on the silver!
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Some dirty pretty and some emo, but it worked; and it showed poetry.
I think the emotion is so strong in this piece and the visuals are spot on. It is creative for "dirty pretty" pieces, but has some factors to make it one.
I really enjoyed this one. Thanks for the entry.
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