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Step Up To The Plate

We're painters, writers,

we produce what we see;

Who we are,

we create us to be.

 

Holding concepts of love,

love we receive.

Obstacles are formed,

by what we conceive.

 

Masters of mind,

creating reality.

What we believe,

is why we're not free.

 

Burdens are thoughts,

we hold in our mind,

let go of doubt,

joy we will find.

 

Manifest what you want,

feel and believe.

There is no limit,

for what you achieve.

 

Our world is created,

by intentions we hold,

restricting our minds;

by what we are told.

 

When the universe returns,

thoughts we substain,

we cleary see;

thoughts we retain.

 

What shall we create,

when we step up to the plate,

remember what we toss;

will soon be our fate.

 

Author notes

P i s c e s r a i n b o w

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Antebellum
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    First stanza,
    each line begins with a 'W'
    mix it up a bit, its overdone. Also I dont understand the lines

    "Who we are,
    we create us to be."

    other than that I really like this.I like the message and the rhyme.
    nice write.

  • division
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    This poem was pretty good. I liked the message you displayed in the poem, as well. I thought it was a pretty nice form as well. I did find some grammar errors though.

    "we produce what we see;"
    there should be a period instead of a semicolon.

    "we hold in our mind,"
    there should be a period instead of a comma.

    "restricting our minds;"
    i think you should put a comma instead of a semicolon.

    "remember what we toss;"
    comma instead of a semicolon.

    i liked this. it was pretty and i enjoyed the message. i'm sorry, but at the moment, i'm going to say no, because i want you audition for the next season so you have more time to practice. I think you have great potential.

  • division
    August 18
    Edit | Reply
    Hi, please space out your username like this, u s e r n a m e , in your A/N. Thank you!


  • Isi
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this poem, it says something so profoundly simple, yet true and in a matter of factly way.

    The flow is a little uneven at times, but it doesn't hurt the poem because it only makes the reader want to read it a litttle closer. I believe that is an asset

    Unfortunately the rules for my contest has not been followed, and I am sad to see this one go.


  • Shattered Remains
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry about the double comment, Analyze-minds is another account I have on here for another style of writting I do... I was logged into the wrong one..


  • Shattered Remains
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot, this is what I was looking for in this contest, thanks for entering....


  • Analyze-Minds
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot, this is what I was looking for in this contest, thanks for entering....


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    October 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Flawless rhyme scheme
    Good take on the prompt

    Best of luck in the contest


  • Kathleen a Nazarene
    October 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Well Done!

    If I didn't know better I'd have thought I'd written this! Love the content, flow & rhyme! Glad to see you've won a trophy! If people only knew the problems they create with the thoughts they think & hold on to! As the Word says: "Out of the abundance of the heart [meaning mind!] the mouth speaks". Bravo for this!


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ah..in simple words you tought us the lesson of this life with so much depth as well..a great inspiring work by you..well done...


  • SweetRoses
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot. It has a lot of clearity. We are what we create ourselves to be. Thank you. This has been most helpful.


  • Providence
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Delightful! Indeed we manifest what we seek!

    Outstanding spiritual work in poetic form!

    Bravo!

    Marianne


    • Pisces rainbow gold member
      September 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      every moment that has passed is gone never to be seen again, we hold on to all the pain all the negative that is in the past, we cling to it in our thoughts so often and don't realize that it creates a cycle if we let go of those thoughts and create new dream we break that cycle. sadly most of us are stuck.
      THank you my soulful friend and God bles you...


  • who iam
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    A home run !

    Your keen insight into the trials and tribulations of our daily life is fantastic!
    Well written;metaphores,rhyme,and flowing content draws you to the next verse so easily.
    This actually was a grand slam in my scorer's book!

    • Pisces rainbow gold member
      September 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      this was difficult to write,
      I wanted to put it in a way that wouldn't confuse anyone.
      I think this may be the one thing in the world that can change a life,
      to see we need to let go of the past and create a new moment a new day to wipe the slate clean and create.
      we carry so much bagage we lost faith in ourselves in hopes and dreams.
      to me it is so sad to see someone lose their joy, when all they have To do is believe in themselves.
      thank you my kindhearted friend, I always appreciate your comment
      GOD BLESS YOU...

  • Ace - LightWithinMe
    September 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hello. I like the sentiments in this piece, certainly we should be aware of out thoughts, but not just our thoughts, also state of being, emotive state, etc, etc. We are so often chained by ourselves and don't even know it. I wish you well in the contests you are in. My regards.


  • BehindTheShadow
    September 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great piece!


  • Puppydog gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!

    We are what we believe we are, being only the way we think and feel about life in general. Also we are like what others want us to be and feel like a prisoner to them. If we could only be ourselves without fear, how wonderful that would be.


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Creating reality or fantasy,
    it's our own dimension.
    all within our control.
    May we use that power well.

    Great premise!

    M-C


  • xxBlack Dawnxx
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i cant think of anything to say because it confused me but in in a good way, it was like understanding life but in a real way, i realy loved this write

    • Pisces rainbow gold member
      September 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      if we pay attention to our thoughts, and we never stop thinking, we may not be aware of it but we are always thinking.
      we can cleary see how our thoughts create our reality.
      so ask yourself what you want to be like, visualize, feel it and expect it, we control our thoughts, if we focus on what we want.
      we will have it.
      you are not too tall, too fat,lonely, sad a loser...(not your thought I know just an example)
      the list go on with the thoughts that we hold
      shift your thoughts fill them with hopes and dreams
      you will be amazed.
      sorry about my book size comment
      thank you
      I am grateful for your comment
      GOD BESS YOU...


  • Olivias Violin
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great write

    Reminds me of a quote I read recently:

    "Creativity is God's gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God."

    (I don't know who said this)

    • Pisces rainbow gold member
      September 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you always my friend,
      The quote is from a book (ARTIST WAY) written by Claude Bernard.
      haven't read it yet.
      God bless...


  • Swangrnv gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOW!!

    What a true true, statement about life my sis, geez you are the preeminent spiritual writer in my opinion!


  • The FaeQueen
    September 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    GREAT!

    You did well on this poem. I truly love it! Good luck

1 - 25 of 25