green grass grows
in winter
while sweetness
of your cold lips
grow silent
with shadows
of corruption
in long lines of infinite
wisdom is a mere substance
where blood flows like honey
and honey flows with bourbon
and my naked head
feels the pressure
of murdered gods
with their shining lips
clenched
on tomorrow's tattoo
goodnight
i whisper silently
from my grave of reality
among the dust and dung
under solemn cold skies
goodnight
[enter studio
audience laughter]
my lips prey
on the sweetest substance
of men
lies
through teeth like money
and green grass
peering through floorboards
and splintered souls shake
with rumble gods
roughly speaking
my trembling lips
draw a blurring last breath
and undress the wilderness
a probable virgin
of indifference
i will die with abstinence
in silence
and the living
strangle
of money
honey
In a list
A contest entry
- beyond a wave by Melissa Gayle.
2000 points, ended September 30, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Amazing stuff!
Congrats on a well-deserved award.
Killer ending too, just killer!
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WOW
some of the best imagery i've seen in long
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Your second stanza is fabulous, not that the rest of it isn't but my god that one screams to me.
I love the evolution that your writing has taken. It beckons to be heard -
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I had to throw in a bit of rhyme just for you
thanks girlie
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Powerful, Richard, POWERFUL!!!! Nothing else needs to be said . . .
Marc
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I see Jess has visited your poem...My goodness, she has got to be the most interesting and prolific commenter on the entire site! lol I love her to death, and now have come to EXPECT a comment from her. If I don't get one, I get the heebee jeebies. lol
Okay now to your poem. Basically, Jess has said it all (and better than I can) but what I like most about this poem is the overall stormy-gray feel. Rumbling clouds overhead, kind of feel. You are a very talented writer, diverse, and one I come to when I'm in the mood for some poetry that is going to make me think a bit afterward. Love, Lane
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what a powerful, painful yet brillant write. You use of metaphors is magic to read as they tickle the dust from my brain, forcing me to focus and focus I did. Very nicely done. I enjoyed the read.
Nevadapoet
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After the comments by notorius, what more can I say. This really is a 'kick ass' poem, its convalucient verbiage is very impressive in a unique, absorbing way.
I read poems , the ilke of yours and wish my muse would awaken a new enlightenment to the art of this kind of poetry... but reading pieces like this superb write will serve to satisfy for now.
I enjoyed this a lot and into my favorites it goes as I plan to read it again and again.
Good luck in the contest. I think you have a winner
Dee
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Oh, forgot to say that I LOVED 'abstinence' and 'silence' together. Absolutely GENIUS.
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My last comment was so lazy that I have to redeem myself for it by giving you a full-blown comment, so bear with me here...
"on tomorrows tattoo:=>tomorrow's tattoo, a possessive form
Unless you hate apostrophes???
Only thing I had to nitpick.
I think it's coolio and interesting that you chose to use 'infinite', as opposed to 'infinity', which would probably be the more common choice. Me gusta!!!
"where blood flows like honey
and honey flows with bourbon"
I love that you continued to mention honey in that next line...and awesome simile with blood--didn't think blood could be remixed into a new tune, but I can hear its newness here.
"[enter studio
audience laughter]"
I think this is the first time I've seen you use brackets...and although I usually kind of object to brackets, I think this was really groovy and I'm kind of thinking it's like...hollow reception/approval or something? Or something completely artificial/forced...
Or I'm totally wrong.
"lies/through teeth like money"
An unconventional simile if I ever did see one--I love it. LOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE! Now stop making me abuse my CAPS key with your awesome poems.
"splintered souls shake"
I think it's fair to say that you don't ever abuse alliteration or even use it that often...this was nicely done--not sure if the soft-ish alliteration was intentional, but it was kick-ass.
"undress the wilderness"
That doesn't sound dirty at all (I'm not being sarcastic, LoL). Maybe the only instance I've seen 'undress' and not been like, "My god, this is blatantly dirty..." LOVE.
LoL at the title--you are too clever.
Jessica!
PS-I do talk too much.
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I hardly ever reply to comments, but yes I hate apostrophes...it's the whole establishment thing ...so this one's for you
and you talk just fine
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Oh, the mention of 'establishment'--you almost had me hating apostrophes there!! LoL
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you have a wonderful night Jessica
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You too
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I rarely use any form of punctuation...I was an English tutor in college...and now I'm just lazy...my line breaks are like jazzy pops of notes
I always hear music when I write...I want it silent when I write...but have to have music to paint -
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Strikes me as nifty irony.
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