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Monkey-Bones

Missing image

We were going to burn
in everlasting hell,
no monkey-bones about it,
but, the fires didn’t feel
so hot from where we stood,
high above the rest
of the world,
in fact, heaven’s belly
was just a finger-stretch away.

He passed the water pipe,
my bug-eyed beauty,
then pissed yellow rain
over York Avenue,
baptizing the innocent -
who really cares? he asked,

a naked and defiled guru
wrapped in green glass beads,

 

no one looks up
anymore.


Somewhere between
the hours and minutes

of madness,
as our bodies crashed
and our minds spun sugar,
I remembered a time
when I always looked up,
when, with a lift of arms

and a single prayer,

I flew over planets
and dreamed of going farther -


I just couldn’t remember

why...

 

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Author notes

Prompt: Image 2

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 59 of 59
  • Pessoa
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    Funny how alive we feel in madness. I'm taking great pleasure in your wistful pondering of derring-do even as you are engaged in it. It would sound desperate, no that's not right, hmm. Maybe it feels like it should sound desperate, but in the sadness of it, I heard hope, and even freedom. I think the title very appropriate, though I cannot really say why. I'm lost now in abstract imagining.

    Forgive the waffling. I am excited by anything that makes me glad to embrace the madness. I can see why you think it your best. And that is so revealing.


  • DumbBaby
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    laney that made my heart hurt a little. Yearn yearn yearn. I always thought the meaning of life is never to look down.


  • Sesheta
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Poignant last line--heart-wrenching, even, after such imagery and shock and even a little wince at the italics...ahhh.


  • parenchma
    October 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Heck. I was just wondering if King Kong was on the backside...


  • tomisb
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The sour mash mix of dispair as joy and defication as a salute to blessing catches the throat of a world busy selling its soul for the next high.
    The ending lights like the little girl in the Night Watchman, running with no where to go.

    Love,
    Tom B.


  • DolceVito gold member
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice.

    Thank you for sharing this impressive write. It brought back memories of when I stopped by woods after bar-closing time.
    Vito


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your poetry is always so relatable Lane! I think you capture human emotion wonderfully and express it in ways that we can understand and feel deeply!

    This is a stunning write! I'm glad I don't believe in hell otherwise I'm pretty sure that's where I'd be going!

  • Rowan gold member
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You're amazing.
    So many lines in this I loved, maybe because I could relate so well to it. My mind is candy-floss lately though. lol. Yours is definitely not.
    Perfect ending, BTW. Excellent.


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Rowan....

      thank you for relating...that is better than applause or trophies. Love, Lane


  • badnovocaine
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow must i say i love this piece.
    My favorite part was:
    He passed the water pipe,
    my bug-eyed beauty,
    then pissed yellow rain
    over York Avenue,
    baptizing the innocent -
    who really cares? he asked,

    a naked and defiled guru
    wrapped in green glass beads,

    no one looks up
    anymore.
    -------------
    Mind if say just WOW. This is brilliant. Paints imagery for my mind and soul



    • Dalaney gold member
      September 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      UF...

      Wow is fine with me Thanks for reading Love, Lane


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love your way of thinking, it takes me to new heights in my imagination. Brilliant. Best to you in the contest

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      AutumnGypsy

      Thank you for the thumb's up And thank you even more for reading Love, Lane


  • SomeonesToySoldier gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very good. interesting wrist and yjr light use of metaphore was a great touch. Its hard to find imperfections in the poem wgich is a true sign of the srtistic tallent of the poet. Great job with thsi one and good luck in the contest. You deserve it and theres no Monkey-bones about it.

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      PV...

      I thank you. Love, Lane

      • SomeonesToySoldier gold member
        September 27, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Remind me to never try to comment on poem when drunk again.


        • Dalaney gold member
          September 27, 2008
          Edit | Reply

          lol...

          o, i needed that laugh thank you again. honey, as long as i can make out the words, you're doing ok with me love, lane


  • nordicsky silver member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Long, long ago I ran out of superlatives to describe your poetry.
    My favourite stanza was the third. I liked the lines...

    “I remembered a time
    when I always looked up,
    when, with a lift of arms

    and a single prayer,

    I flew over planets
    and dreamed of going farther”

    I hope you still feel this way.
    Love, Peter



  • Age of Rain
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice title.

    'in fact, heaven’s belly
    was just a finger-stretch away.'

    vivid and unusual. I like that.

    Your second stanza is dynamite.

    Very good stuff here. Nicely done.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A strong, resounding write
    Of yesteryears and today’s
    Reflections of doubt
    ~and determination~
    By more than few in society.

    Indeed, this write is a new
    outtake for an evolutionary
    step in your writes-

    -outtake-……no

    Perhaps “takeout”
    Perhaps a more proper description?

    Looking up>>>><<<>>><<<

    Yeah, but now we’re looking “in”??


    interesting write gal...most



    Len


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ... If it's that 'farther' I think you're talking about, couldn't it be because it's so peaceful, uncluttered, complete and more satisfying.

    It think it depends on what we bring ourselves to see, when we 'look up'...

    I particularly love these lines:

    'I remembered a time
    when I always looked up,
    when, with a lift of arms
    and a single prayer,
    I flew over planets
    and dreamed of going farther -

    ... and when we really remember, we are already there at it again.

    Sol


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Sol...

      I was hoping you would like this poem.
      You are riding that spiritual train that
      I keep missing, but the longing is there...
      it's always been there.

      Love, Lane


      • Thoughts-of-Soloman
        September 26, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I do like it, in fact I like it hugely!

        You are very kind
        ... I think, in every moment there is 'missing' and 'catching' for all of us, in this respect we are all the same, yet all our trains are unique in the way we are and move according to what we ask for.
        Also, if there wasn't an admirable 'catching' and 'moving' going on with you, then you wouldn't be able to write like this.

        Isn't it the longing which ever reminds us to keep our vision and aim alive?
        I've no doubt you have it Lane.

        Sol


  • daviscth silver member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    No words needed for this sweetie. You've heard them all before....
    Love you,
    Cathy


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Don't try to remember why, just remember how it felt to fly

    Another brilliant piece from you Lane, I have come to expect nothing less.

    Love
    Sue


  • Cup-a-Joe
    September 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Some more "clapping men"
    Joe


  • Cup-a-Joe
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Lane,

    I read everyone of your poems. I find that I don't comment on some of them.That's cause I get so involved in the comments, I forgit to write one myself. It's
    been a long time since PC, and I have read a lot of your works, but you do get better and better.
    I am going back thru, and checking comments.

    Joe


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Joe...

      you have the biggest heart, you know
      that? Someone needs to keep an eye on it
      so rest, and I'll sit up for a while...

      Love, lane


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Considering I first called your poetry perfect approximately 11 months ago it is a little surprising it can get better and better, day by day.

    I love a mind that spins sugar, what better use is there for a mind?

    Oh but one thing, looking up ...
    Up is the best place to look otherwise you miss all those moonbeams to slide along, the stars to dance with and the rainbows that make such wonderful skipping ropes. You wouldn't see the fairies when they arrive to pain the trees and anyway my friend the robin says you should!


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The remarkable thing to me is that you are getting better and better. Difficult, when the quality of your writing was so high to begin with. This poem is stunning in concept and execution. I am in tears reading it, I don't know why, I guess I just feel so privileged to be here reading it, one of the first handful of people to do so. I have to go, Lane, I can't see the bloody screen any more.


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Mairi

      From one whom I so admire...I am honored you feel this way. don't make me cry. We'll wash away...
      Love, Lane


  • Heart Sutra
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this might be (for me) one of your strongest poems ever! I found a lot of depth in this one that resonated with me personally. Great work!

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Zayra

      I am so grateful for your kind words. Thank you very much. Lane


  • arafura gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "no one looks up
    anymore."

    Do you ever not write a great poem? Simply wonderful as usual!


  • Pure Thought silver member
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    My Lady

    Another good read, no great read tonight.


  • paulcreates silver member
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *wags finger* I'm telling your mother.

    Paul


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Paul....

      if you got through to her,
      she'd only shake her head
      and ask you for a cigarette...
      I doubt they allow smoking
      in heaven, but then, i could
      be wrong...Love, Lane


  • HaleyMary
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful, Lane. I love the part of flying over planets. It gave the poem a magical feeling to it. Like, a feeling of hope that people can go farther in life and can succeed in their hopes and dreams and also find love. Thanks for sharing your talent and best of luck in the contest.


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you...

      as always, my sweet friend, your words of encouragement
      and your thoughts are a blessing to this writer.
      Thank you for being here. Love, Lane


      • HaleyMary
        September 24, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        You're very welcome, Lane. With college having started already, I haven't had as much time as I would like to to comment on poems, but I try to find time during the evenings to drop in. Hope you continue writing your poetry. You're one amazing poetess.


  • sailor ptolema
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I've noticed...that some people don't really 'look' at all anymore... .

    This is so good and sad and relatable and jarring.

    meg


  • Peteskid gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    dreams... so interesting, the things we can tell ourselves and others in our dreams, revelation and sensation all within the imagination, thoughts... I liked this a lot...PK


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      PK...

      it means a lot to me that you come by my poetry. i need to tell you this more often. Love, Lane


  • notorious gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    god, I always love the imagery you conjure like freaking Harry Potter magic in your poems and none of it feels like abstract-WTF? It all fits, like...a pair of uber expensive jeans.

    You really like the word 'everlasting' don't you... Well, I like the way you use that word.

    "heaven's belly/was just a finger-stretch away"
    god, I am LOVING your use of hyphens. The possessive form, "heaven's belly" is unbelievably cool and makes me feel like I'm in my mom's stomach again...LMAO.

    "then pissed yellow rain"
    You know, if your piss is YELLOW, you obviously need to drink more water... I really liked this line--it made me smile in bowel movement cynicism...

    I like a real street being referenced (I assume it's a real street because EVERYTHING you write is real). The "who really cares?" LOVED...a bit like a bitchy afterthought, for me.

    That ending...as always, I feel like somebody tried to murder me with good endings. You seem to use 4 periods instead of 3...<--the real ellipsis??

    Jessica!


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Jess...

      remind me to tell my fingers not to get so slap-happy when it comes to ellipsis'. I shot the fourth . it cried, too.

      and yes, York was a street i used to live on in NYC.

      tell your mother you might need a ride home after the cupcakes...


      • notorious gold member
        September 24, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Sorry for the temper tantrums

        all those pesky periods are having...
        You used to live in NYC? *is deeply jealous*

        My mother hates driving... but oh, I love cupcakes.


  • PerVirtuous
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I'd tell you why, but I am just too busy with more important things. Sorry.

    Ask the bunnies. Maybe they can tell you.

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      allan...

      you don't need to tell me why...i know now
      Love, Lane


  • Swangrnv gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    yeah, this has a great feel..

    Somewhere between
    the hours and minutes
    of madness,
    as our bodies crashed
    and our minds spun sugar,.. love these lines and truly love this write laney!


  • BehindTheShadow
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    why is a great question, when we are little, we often remember dreaming the biggest dreams, only to grow and find true happiness is found in the simplest pleasures, like being with the one we love on a balcony, endulging in what life has offered us, yet, still in a world of our own. No monkey-bones about it.


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well, you nailed that one dead center.
    "No one looks up anymore."
    Ain't it the truth.


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Tom...

      it was then, at least for me, but not anymore. i think we all forget to look up every now and then, you know? hopefully, we
      get it right sooner or later. Thanks for reading, Tom. You
      know I appreciate it. Love, Lane


  • Cannonsfire
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think I always dreamed dreams that took me further than I could get to but it doesn't stop us dreaming them C


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Cheryl...

      i stopped for a while, but only for a while...
      you know me, i dream all of the time Love, Lane


      • Cannonsfire
        September 24, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Never give up on your dreams Lane, we both know they are richer than life sometimes and we all need those moments to be anyplace but here. Loves Ya

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