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One More Night

I'm broken and scarred,
I can't see the light,
I listen as you whisper
"Hold on for one more night."
I'm confused and stressed out,
I can't tell wrong from right,
Once again you tell me,
"Hold on for one more night."
I'm running out of make-up,
My clothes are far too tight,
In my frustration, you say,
"Hold on for one more night."
I'm slashing at my skin,
I'm putting up a fight,
Once I end up crying, you say,
"Hold on for one more night."
My hair hides my tired face,
My tears blur my sight,
You whisper in my weary ear,
"Hold on for one more night."
I'm high and acting silly,
I'm soaring like a kite,
Once you calm me down you say,
"Hold on for one more night."
I cried the day you didn't show,
My heart was filled with spite,
You cried the next day when you heard,
I didn't make it through the night.

Author notes

I tried to do something different with this poem. Instead of the sad, poems where nobody cares, I wanted to do one, where there WAS someone trying to stop them. The girl in the poem isn't me, and she's obviously pretty sick. The other person in the poem is a guy, or at least that's how I see it. And I know the ending is kind of sad, but sometimes just caring about a person isn't enough to save them when they're that sick. I mean, but mainly I wrote this poem about how hard it must be, when you're that friend who has a friend this messed up. How stressful it must be to have to be there everyday, and what happens that one day you're sick or you're out of town? What if something were to happen to them? You would feel so guilty, even though it wasn't your fault. Even though there's nothing you could have done, it would haunt you forever.
So just wanted to touch on it.

Honestly, I think this is the best thing I've ever written, and I'm very proud of it. I thought it flowed well, and carried out it's message nicely. But tell me what YOU think...

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think!!!

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • gigglesalot
    December 12, 2008
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    awesome write i really liked this alot. thanks so much for entering!


  • Shannon62875
    October 8, 2008

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    WOW!

    I think this was an amazing write!!! VERY, VERY WELL DONE!!!! It was really sad... The ending really told me a lot about the poem.. AT first i just thought that guy was just saying that because they were done, then the end took me off guard... I dropped my jaw haha... This was a very good write.. Keep up the great work and good luck in my contest!

    Shannon*LEah


  • arnica karuna
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for your entry. Plenty dark, sad and oh so full of regrets. I am impressed by the images your poem creates. The choice of words, rhythm and all are just exactly as I like them to be. Glaring, but not so glaring! As in, not too subtle. I can't point out my favorite part, because your write blends in so well within itself that pointing out one part would mean looking for where it started and that would lead me to say that it started from the beginning and ended at the end. Loved it all!!!

    Good luck in my contest.

  • Tercil gold member
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This could be read fast top the point of panic, and this is the design. It is very sad, and if you are proud of this piece, then that's because you wrote from the heart. I feel all our best poems are, best wishes.


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    October 4, 2008

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    Yes, you did capture this so well. Suicide is such a horrible thing, but it's such a selfish thing. When somebody decides they are going to do it, you just have to accept that is what they wanted. No matter how much it hurts. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • FallenFromGrace1102
    October 1, 2008

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    Great write i loved it, i liked how you wrote this it was pertty interesting and yet at times very true, i wish you the best of luck in my contest and thank you for entering this piece. i really liked the lines:

    ""Hold on for one more night."
    I cried the day you didn't show,
    My heart was filled with spite,
    You cried the next day when you heard,
    I didn't make it through the night."

    *~*Bee*~*


  • RunningFromReality
    September 27, 2008

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    I agree with your A.N., this poem flowed very nicely. The rhyme was well, and had me invisioning the sitiuation the whole way through. I can't say I've seen a friend go through this, or myself has gone through this, but I've seen/been through close enough. So, I could relate really well. Excellent work! Thank you for entering, and good luck!


  • ruthie fallen angel
    September 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    sweet i liked it

1 - 8 of 8