With smiles on their faces
and a tear in their eye,
they pour out emotions
so their hearts won't die.
They write about love,
sadness, and fear,
so they might find peace
today or next year.
Their pens scribble the emotion,
they try to let go.
Their hearts open up
and the words just flow.
So, if you know a poet,
look deep into their heart.
There is something there
that makes them stand apart.
-Tasha Miller
This is for all my POET friends out there!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
This is lovely. I like the rhyme, which is unusual for me, and it's sweetly done! You've really got my heart there! Chaos Star
-
Thought-provoking...
These are very beautiful lines flowing from your pen, your muse is so creative!!! 
Thank you for sharing your wonderful talent with all of us!!! Peace, Cyn
-
You have really captured the poets heart in these words!
"Their pens scribble the emotion,
they try to let go.
Their hearts open up
and the words just flow."
Writing down your feelings no matter what they are to me is the best therapy anyone can get!
As one of your poet friends I thank you for this poem!
darlintlc
-
I like this a whole lot. It's a truly profound piece. I also enjoyed the rhyming. I did want to offer a thought that you might find helpful (or choose to ignore, as it is just my opinion.)
When I write, I tend to focus on the rhythmic aspect as much as possible, and to do this I almost imagine someone is playing a drum in the background.
Here is the first stanza, with the "stressed syllables" (beats) capitalized (I read "smiles" as one syllable.)
With SMILES on their FACes
and a TEAR in their EYE,
they POUR out eMOtions
so THEIR hearts won't DIE.
It flows really nicely, and I really like the stanza, the only minor issue is that in the last line the word that seems to make the most sense to be stressed is "hearts" but the way the meter works out, I imagine most would wind up stressing "their." I'm honestly not sure how I would edit it, but I think it might be something to consider.
They WRITE about LOVE,
SADness, and FEAR,
so THEY might find PEACE
toDAY or next YEAR.
This stanza pretty much keeps the rhythm, and I like it as well. The second stanza starts off with a stressed syllable which was different than the other stanzas, but it flows pretty well as is. Like the first stanza, the third line in this stanza has us stressing the word "they" where" might seems to be more deserving of a stressed syllable. A couple possible considerations (if you think it warrants editing)
"They dream they'll find peace"
"They're hoping for peace"
Their PENS SCRIbble the eMOtion,
they TRY to let GO.
Their HEARTS open UP
and the WORDS just FLOW
The first line here has an extra syllable (not sure how I would change it, or if I would change it.)
Another pattern that's been apparent through the poem is at least 2 unstressed syllables between the stressed syllables per line. In the 4th line there is just one. I would consider
"and words gently flow"
So, if YOU know a POet,
look DEEP into their HEART.
There IS something THERE
that MAKES them stand Apart.
Based on previous rhythm and meter ideas I might consider:
So, if you know a poet
Look deep in their heart
For there you'll find something
That sets them apart
Not sure if this captures the idea you are going for, but it's a thought.
I hope you don't mind my dissecting your poem this way. I truly enjoyed the piece, and I really like it as is. I figured I'd offer a technical approach, though often as poets we eschew perfection on a technical level, to focus on the emotional aspect which is far more important. This is truly one of the nicest poems I've read in a while (and rhythmically it is quite easy and pleasant to read as well.) I hope that amongst my rambling you find something worthwhile.
-
i agree
but one should use caution when peering down that rabbit hole ... never go too far down the rabbit hole ... unless you are ready for that scary rabbit
good write
-
-
Very true!! But I beat the crap out of that scary rabbit when I found him!!! It ended up my rabbit wasn't as scary as me!!
-
-
very good write i think over all great i like the whole poem its very good ill have to check out more of your poems and comment on them keep it up and keep going great write truly outstanding poetry great job keep it going keep it sic goodday
-
People shouldn't look too deep into mine, they may see stuff they don't wnat to!
You right though, they do stand apart. They know how to express what they feel.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
