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Out body Experience

I felt an experience that day,
knowing as the darkness swallow
the last drop of breath at the bay.

Swimming was a bit rough as followed,

Arms felt limp, and eyes close wallow,
viewing the pier. My legs felt like
time second's hand dripping, hollow

an outbody experience dislike.

Author notes

True story ten years ago today.

HUITAIN ~ ~


A Spanish form of poetry, the huitain revolves around the number eight:

- there are eight lines in the poem, and each line contains eight syllables.


The rhyme scheme is ababbcbc.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • ea silver member
    November 16, 2008

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    This resonated with me as I have had a similar experience being swallowed by a big wave and lost my daughter out of my arms in the same moment (luckily lifeguards rescued her, but the feeling of losing her out of my grasp into the ocean still haunts me.)

    • haley27 gold member
      November 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for the comment. When I woke up had chest pains that wouldn't quit. It looked as though could see me laying there as the lifeguards worked on me. I felt helpless and couldn't speak at the time. Haley27


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    October 11, 2008

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    This sounds like a horrible experience and you have brought it to life in this form poem. I have been caught in riptides, but never experienced a near drowning. You had a few minor problems with grammar, but overall a nice entry. Peace, Liz


  • x-dont -ask-me-x
    September 30, 2008
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    I feel like im suffocating and drowning reading this poem.Amazing write . Great Decription.

    • haley27 gold member
      September 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank u

      Thank u for the comment given to my poem. True story. It was a horrible feeling of drowing. Haley27


  • luna-midnight gold member
    September 27, 2008

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    aww, this is very good. lovely poem and good luck in the contest. take care
    Stephanie ♥

    • haley27 gold member
      September 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank u

      Thank you for the wonderful comments given to my poem. Haley27

1 - 7 of 7