'Twas once a dream seen from afar,
that wandered in eternal space
and blindly swung from brightest star,
to torch our touch...from hand to face.
With fruitless pride to e'er embrace,
as promise fell behind love's light,
to burn our fears within hope's grace
and shelter 'neath the weight of night.
Soft signs of charred faith did protest,
upon cool winds of earth and sky
and hearts despaired, on ground, to rest,
as questions cursed, yet ne'er knew why.
In loss of future's song and sigh,
as useless wings wept wide apart;
one thought resumed to walk, and fly
upon those words we did impart.
And now we cling to eye and thread
in banished blames, of which we sought,
as skies sag weary with death's dread
and all the pain that we have brought.
Pride's promises have come to naught-
mere sorrow's cries in stagnant air,
as lessons lick old wounds once taught
and brightness dims without a care.
Author notes
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ HUITAIN ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A Spanish form of poetry, the huitain revolves around the number eight:
- there are eight lines in the poem, and each line contains eight syllables.
The rhyme scheme is ababbcbc.
A Huitain chain.
A contest entry
- Form Contest - Huitain by CitrineSunrise.
900 points, ended October 11, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wow - this poem, unexplainably, brought tears to my eyes. I think that it is because it started off so beautiful, and so hopeful - with mentions of the dream, and the torch that came to light the way - and then so suddenly,
it became dark, and I felt the tone of the poem drifting downwards, becoming more somber, and unwelcoming until that final verse, and the last four lines;
Pride's promises have come to naught-
mere sorrow's cries in stagnant air,
as lessons lick old wounds once taught
and brightness dims without a care.
Which really struck a chord within me; and I honestly can't say why, but this poem touched something in me - can't put my finger on it however - just - bravo - and thank you so much for entering ... i love this
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This poem is beautifully written with great attention to detail. You have fashioned a complete story in this chain and your word usage is a pleasure to read. You always use alliteration, assonance and consonance to their best advantage and create poems to be read and re-read. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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A truly lovely story..well crafted. Best to you in the contest!
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Greatpoem
This requires reading carefully- and I read it aloud to get the best from it. Question: Should the word "wondered" be wandered?
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This is magnificent!1 You truly did a very wonderful job portraying this piece! Its very well written! Excellent details and descriptions!! You truly did an amazing job!!
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Brilliant!
I loved this. I love the flow of it, and the story it tells. I am in awe!
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