it always leads back, to the moment.
the sun fell onto our heads and we
drowned in gold and covered ourselves up with
the boiling liquid that
seared through our blood and made us
feel.
snowflakes fell like
rays from the moon and
i watched while the
alcohol in my stomach burned a
hole through your tee shirt.
awake with fingers through your hair
i wanted to be
eight years old and
desperate for love.
but instead i perched
against the window and
clicked my tongue across my
mouth and
swallowed dangerously
until there were
3 of you.
i imagined that i was perfect and
the kitchen sink was full of rose
petals and you were kissing them
and i was just
laughing
laughing
laughing.
we could've been beautiful
the grass crowded around our feet
and i stared at the people that
were collapsing in little piles
around the fence with
bits of
white on the edges of their
mouths.
my nose shook
a rabbit for your attention
kisses him and does she know that
you are the best thing that could
happen to a girl like
her?
i felt your face in bitterness
the whiskey fell into my irises and
your pupils enlarged from
a smoking piece that
lay across my sheets.
the ice slipped out of the glass
and went onto the floor
so i would have an excuse to
bend over and watch you
sleep.
Author notes
i don't know what this is,
i don't know if it isn't cliche,
i just don't know.
A contest entry
- project un-cliche by hks.
800 points, ended October 3, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you feel, when you see me?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This was not cliche in the slightest, dear. Well , maybe a couple bits were, but the way you worked them into the story you told made it particularly un-cliche. I love the imagery through, unusual and gorgeous.
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Thank You 4 Entering our Contest Project Un-Cliche
Hello there and thank you for entering the contest above as I am pretty much the pirmary judge of this contest since my friend has fallen behind so badly I merley took this up. any ways I really must say this is quite an impressive poem. I was unsur eof what he was looking for myself but to me this eems to fit the over all contest beautifully and I love how you wrote this. to me it almost felt like you were writing this from a cats point of view but then again how I came up with that I have absolutely no clue LOL! any ways a wonderfully penned poem and keep up the good work and good luck in the contest
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hmmm not cliche to me. except the watching sleep part, but that's a cute cliche.
favorites:
imagined that i was perfect and
the kitchen sink was full of rose
petals and you were kissing them
and i was just
laughing
laughing
laughing.
we could've been beautiful
the grass crowded around our feet
and i stared at the people that
were collapsing in little piles
around the fence with
bits of
white on the edges of their
mouths.
your words make me smile. and i'm in a good mood tonight. 
D
-
I want to be inside your brain, and see all the amazing things that go through it, because damn baby...this was just one of those things that I read and am like damnnnnn, wish I didn't have writer's block. anyway, I thought it was lovely.
"we could've been beautiful
the grass crowded around our feet
and i stared at the people that
were collapsing in little piles
around the fence with
bits of
white on the edges of their
mouths.
i felt your face in bitterness
the whiskey fell into my irises and
your pupils enlarged from
a smoking piece that
lay across my sheets.
the ice slipped out of the glass
and went onto the floor
so i would have an excuse to
bend over and watch you
sleep."
-
I found this poem beautiful. Im holding back the tears as I read it. It touched a spot very close to my heart. Not that I am suggesting you do but if you want to read my poetry please use my other profile Satanicscreamer because I got locked out of it. Again this was wonderful please keep writing. x
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