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Body-Tied

Oh, yeah,
you make me stumble
and fumble,
creating ripples in the

autumn breeze

 

playing on my

insecurities


you're a tease

standing there,
your long 

soft hair tucked

behind your ears,
dangling my fears
like a new set
of keys -

I am body-tied,
petrified

my heart will betray
what my mind
has pushed away


(in the light

of your
‘come-to-me’ smile)

...that maybe
you were right
all along.

 

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Author notes

Prompt: Tongue-tied about love
*This is an anonymous contest

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 46 of 46

  • DolceVito gold member
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    As always,

    Great job. No suggestions for improvement, as I am certain that you're skillful enough to improve your work with revision, as I do with mine, in due time. Again, great job,
    Vito


  • Xianaria gold member
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering~
    I liked the playfulness of this write,very nicely done!
    Best wishes~
    Tim

  • Topnotchsy
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Must have missed this one before. Glad I caught it now. Love how you sprinkled some rhyme into this free verse piece. Wish I could "speak" like this when I was not tongue-tied, let alone if I was.


  • Sesheta
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh. Reading this went along with the beat of my background music. Tongue-tied makes for a great beat. Then, looking back for a second time, I see depth and much I can relate to...wow. I've been gone too long, and this I have certainly missed!


  • tomisb
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The confusion of the heart when your words are the heart of clarity. Structure and form in contrast to message.
    Love, Tom B.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love this!! Had an almost lyrical beat to it!! Oh to be left that body-tied!


  • chilali
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I loved it!!

    Wow is all I have to say! I loved this piece. Every bit of it. I love Red Dwarf so much. And this beautiful piece of work is perfect for the contest! You definitely have to win! Bravo!


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think I know this person who leaves one body tied, think I am married to him lol, gorgeous piece as always., Best to you in the contest


  • Age of Rain
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting start. I like the personal tone it brings and then the bit of rhyme you bring to this free verse. I personally find that it starts off strong and slowly weakens, though not exceedingly so. A solid piece and very well writ!


  • arafura gold member
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I can't imagine you being tongue-tied. Tongue-tired maybe!


  • Pure Thought silver member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Oh my, said he with a sigh. . .

    I don't bookmark any more. I just print them, sleep on them and hope to absorb some of the brilliance.

    Beautiful my Lady.


  • sailor ptolema
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love, love, love it .

    meg


  • notorious
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You changed your profile picture...? If that's you in the white dress, COOLIO.


    LoL at the 'stumble' and 'fumble' rhyme--works together so well.

    "dangling my fears
    like a new set
    of keys"
    I think it's kind of interesting that you use the word 'new'...makes me think of some guy that moves on in about 5 seconds after he dumps you. Or maybe just "fresh starts" in general with life.
    LOOOOOOOVING the simile, Oh Worthy-Of-Genuflection One.

    "body-tied/petrified"
    Kind of strange how there's a hyphen in 'body-tied' but not in the title of the same name...well anyways, I like the correctly used hyphen and the unique-as-HELL rhyme!!! And I like how the rhyme is used sparsely...makes it so much more...delectable, like a really well-done cupcake.


    I friggin' love cupcakes. Can't get enough of them...I haven't had any in a while. :/

    The ending...kiLLAH!
    Although, you use ...., which is 4 periods, as opposed to 3, which would be a "proper" (I sound like a dick :/) ellipsis.

    This was freaking awesome.

    Jessica


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Jess...

      zapped that fourth .

      poor thing cried like a baby, too

      just so happens i have three red velvet
      cupcakes in the kitchen. Put on your
      shoes and come on over


  • nevadapoet
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love how you put yourself out there, showing that you to can be frail and vunarable. It's amazing how love can do that to us.
    Be Well, Shelly


  • Velvet Rose Petals
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so imaginitive and free. its really pretty.. I thought it flowed very nicely and it was constructed well. Beautifully penned..
    Rose

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Rose...

      Hey, thank you! I'm glad you came over...it's always good to meet new people here, and i'm glad we have met. Love, Lane


  • JohnnyD gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Laney-

    a slip-sliding away pen of the heart and emotions

    Also a superb pen, as always-
    But it brings up a part of life-
    That most all of us experience-
    FARRRRRR more than once-

    Which is-feelings our mind pushes
    Away – but our heart bundles-
    Into a special corner.

    I’m probably the most experienced
    Of such feelings I know of-
    Except perhaps Ang-
    (She’s a tough case)

    I’d have to easily guess I've-
    At least four or five compartments
    For various women from-
    Either the current or the past-

    Some compartments are bigger than others-
    Especially one-
    However this begets a question?
    If this is so-
    Then are enlarged hearts caused
    By loving too much?

    Could have a major medical discovery
    On our hands here-
    I’ll call Rice University-
    We’ll do a paper on it and become famous

    Yeah….



    Len


  • JustSimplyLissa gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love this Lane, its exotic yet painfully straight forward. Tied in complete knots is what I get from this. The prompt is well honored.

    Lissa


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Lissa

      Thank you for such a kind comment. Love, Lane


  • zochit2me gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Skips away body-tied and petrified...



    ♥Becky♥


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Becky....

      lol...you nut. thanks for coming by. Love, Lane


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have done the poet’s job here, Lane.
    In my view, the poet’s most important job.
    With a few words you project a crisp image
    that reveals a complex truth so difficult to explain
    in other ways: pride of ownership, control, manipulation.

    I think a poet needs to go to dangerous places
    to find these truths and stay long enough to process them so we can give them to folks who won’t go to these places or can’t.

    If the poem had nothing but that line I’d love it to pieces but, of course, you put more into it than that.

    This is a bookmark for me.

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Tom...

      To be bookmarked by you is such an honor! I am thrilled. Thank you very much for your insightful comment and for the clappies Love, Lane


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Perfect. The hidden and revealed rhymes add to the tension, give it the swing and snap of rap music. And what's more, you have a gorgeous bum.

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Mairi...

      I revamped it just a bit, but I think it will do for now Oh, and what's more...my bum thanks you Love, Lane xxoo

      • Mairi bheag gold member
        September 24, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Your bum is welcome.

        The re-vamp looks okay, but you'll drive our agent insane - you do realise he comes on here and makes a copy of all your poems (or I do and send them to him, when I remember).

        This really is a sparkler. I do love it.


  • Amera gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written, beautiful and inspiring as is all your work.
    Such a joy to read.

    Love,
    Amera♥

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Amera....

      are you feeling ok? where is that funny one-liner you always leave behind? I love you, sis, and I love it more that you
      think I did well. Lane


  • moluv10
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A body tied, a tongue lied, confusion created by a love defied.....
    Delaney, your words continue to inspire me. You did an excellent job with this. Best of luck in the contest.

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Maurice....

      wow...I LOVE that line!! Go with it, Maurice...shadow this poem and see where it takes you. You are so damn talented. Love, Lane


  • PerVirtuous
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Poems that make you go hmmmmmm.....

    You try it, hmmmmmmmmmm...

    Tongue tied means something totally different to me. It means when we tongue wrestle, the score is even. We have to keep going until somebody wins..

    Three bunnies named Harpo, Chico and Groucho.

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      Allan ....

      ha! oh, how did i know you would say something like this? Boy, you are a piece of art and then some.... Love, Lane


  • paulcreates silver member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ...correction:
    "..your long
    soft hair tucked
    behind your ears,.."

    *rolls eyes* I have short hair...


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Paul...

      ...and curly

      *rolls eyes back at ya*

      Love, Lane
      xxoo


  • Cannonsfire
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Cheryl....

      not amazing, but if you think so, then I'm very happy with it. Love, Lane


  • Cup-a-Joe
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I am body-tied,
    petrified~ Just perfect.Love this.
    Joe

    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Joe...

      Well, I can't really be "tongue-tied" so I thought
      I'd flip it around some Thank you, Joe, for your
      words. Your applause. Your damn cute avatar Love, Lane


  • Swangrnv gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    mmmm...

    just something about ..seems so so, I wanna say something..but I'm tongue tied! j.k. very sensually good stuff my friend!


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Rich

      More good stuff...great Thank you so much for being here, my swannie Love, Lane


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Deliciously done

    Clever rhymes nicely formed super flow and yet still all Lane, Great Stuff


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Jeff...

      Thank you. I love doing great stuff. Love, Lane

1 - 46 of 46