I'm sitting in the corner of my room
crying...
and she's laughing
I'm afraid of her
I dreaded her...
she,
my unwanted visitor
my_self destructor
knocking
knocking
knocking
incessantly
she,
pointed a gun on my head
disappointed, loosen the thread
of my sanity
she,
back with a vengeance
in her grand entrance
mocking
mocking
mocking
with her vanity
she,
echoes on me resoundingly
overpowering my vulnerability
deafening
deafening
deafening
with her profanity
I've overcome
her disdain
a long time ago
she,
has come
again...
This she,
is my alter ego.
eeL annA
23, sept'08
Author notes
I hate myself...
I feel the ugliest person
this very moment...
I wanna make peace with myself;
it may not be today.
I hope tomorrow...
I can forgive myself.
In a list
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Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Beautiful and true description, and I can relate. I hope you can make peace with yourself soon.
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Forgiving oneself, that is the hardest there is! Forgiving someone else, well, that is a little bit easier. Because with them, they are not there all the time (hopefully not), but with you, you are there every moment!
Some you can never forgive and eventually it turns to that you can never forgive yourself for allowing what ever happened, happen! THAT'S not they way it is supposed to be!!! Too much of this world has changed. There was a time when you did not have to be so guarded. Those days are gone for now and I don't know when they will return.
Keep your head up, keep strong!!! Guard your heart but not so much that you are not able to love anymore because that is the worst thing that you can do!
Take care my fair kitten who can instantly change into a strong tiger!
Rey
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Believe me, you are very far from ugly. I love how you wrote this poem, I could feel the desperation you must have been feeling. When the darker side of who we are takes control, sometimes it's almost impossible to talk ourselves down.
I was a cutter for half my life...I have yet to go an entire year without cutting, I hope 2009 will be that year.
On the subject of forgiving yourself, I would say think of a time when someone you loved wronged you, and you forgave them. Why would they be more deserving of your forgivness than you are?
I can't preach too much, I will never forgive myself for not knowing my exhusband was molesting my daughter until it was too late.
Anywho, I'm sorry this got long, and I hope you have a fabulous weekend!
~Monica
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OMG I am so sorry to hear that
I think yours is far more difficult than mine. I had moved on. This is one of those devastating days I had back at that time. And you are right with forgiving ourselves. Sometimes we need to be selfish just to have a li'l something for ourselves.hoping for a better 2009, I believe this will be a good year for me. I wish the same for you and your daughter.
Monica thank you so much
Anna Lee
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Hi Anna
Wow, this is strong stuff with passion and anger!
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thank you
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Some don't even stop and think of the damage they may cause themselves, or others, so you are wayyyyy ahead of the game.
I have faith in ya, and wow, I enjoy reading someone who cares.
Peace and love.
-Timothy aka poeticweaver~ xo xo xo
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Nice read, nice way to make sure your readers are on their toes with the ego twist @ the end. Kudos
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Thank you very much for your comment and reading my write
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well done
i love it -
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Thank you so much
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You're always welcome, Ann.
Thank you too.
summer51 -
Sometimes, our inner self (alter ego, you call it) is our own enemy. A contradicting personality.
Nice write, Ann.
summer51
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Thank you Mommy Summer
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i feel this same way sometimes - i don't think i could have expressed it as well as you did, here! i really like the hecticness throughout the poem - the repeating of knocking and mocking.
i do agree though, the last line seemed to take away from the effectiveness of the poem. other than that
i really liked it.
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Thank you so much for your wonderful comment and for the clappiesesp for taking your time to read it...and thanks for pointing out about the last line...maybe I'm too absorbed with rhyming that's why lol
Blessed be,
Anna Lee
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I've written on similar themes before, but I don't think I've ever done it quite so well as you have here. But you're far from ugly, Anna, and that alter ego will one day learn to keep its mouth shut.
I think that the final line is superfluous. It diminishes the rest of the poem, in my eyes. I think it's obvious enough that you're writing about yourself without explaining it.
But a good read. Sorry to hear you feel this way. -
Had a clear image in my head as I read along.
Then to find out it was your alter ego. Brilliant twist. Loved the idea, wish I'd thought of it myself.
s and comments returned.
Blessed be
Blanche
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This sounds like it comes from a place of great self understanding. I think we all have those dark corners of ourselves that we find reprehensible. It may be an aspect of you - but it does not sum you up in total. You don't have to be that person.
Well written! I like the repetative lines to emphasize the frustration you feel with this alter ego!
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Very nice... this is a write from the very soul of a a writer who is bold and unafraid to share with us. Thank you for sharing this one.
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alter ego... eeL?
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Come here you!
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Thank you Mari for always being here for me.
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Thank you Sir Steve for your wonderful comment and msg. I was really down when I wrote it.
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amazing .. i love how you can describe your alter ego.. or even call it one.
good job :]
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So much power here...the emotions spiked right where one might expect it to have: "she,
pointed a gun on my head
disappointed, loosen the thread
of my sanity" - what an image for me. This is topped off with pain; I sensed the self-battle from the title - the opening lines. wow... The pain notwithstanding, this is an intense write. Well written.
AsIThink...
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Hi Randy
Thank you so much for the wonderful comment. It's nice to see you drop by on my page.
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cool...beat poetry
you've managed suspense, which is difficult to express in writing, and your subject is something we can all relate to; we're always hardest on ourselves
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Nice write...
Alter ego, huh? But who's the REAL you? Hmm?
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I don't know...I guess I am both...but mostly I am the scared one...and the bitch one is always inside me to make me more scared...seriously this is what I feel.
Thank you Tony for your comment.
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A dark visit into our minds--the parts no one wants to talk about or admit to.
VERY GOOD write and read,
bw
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Thank you Bruce for accepting my ugliness as a part of me...and the respect that I don't usually get, you gave it to me. How could I ever thank you. You are one of the most beautiful people I met in my life. I wish you happiness too.
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