My mouth
expanding
around inflamed plastic
waits
with a pause of Sunday afternoon reserve
keeping the cup between my approval
and his turn back and look pant
fingers stretched
tightening
holding something so delicately disposable ~
like I
who trembles now
wondering if the shadow left
from his elevated gesture
would fade before my skin
had time to cool.
Author notes
beyond a wave.
A contest entry
- beyond a wave by Melissa Gayle.
2000 points, ended September 30, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I didn't really care for the line breakage in stanza one but that aside, I love what it says.
And I truly adore how you stepped out of the obvious box -
Wow to this poem -- very intimate things going on, if I'm reading correctly. You've done a wonderful job at being subtle and beautiful with these descriptions (mostly achieved through the soft sound choices, all the w's o's, m's h's etc.).
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I always love your phrasing and this piece does it to perfection, you come up with the best metaphors of anyone I know. Best to you in the contest
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i can see beyond waves and sunday aternoons...soft winds sooth... petals bloomed
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I think 'expanding' could be 'expands' in S1...
LOVE "inflamed plastic"--nifty and visual descriptive phrase that I wanna steal...
"between my approval" LOVE!!! Yeah, a unique thought that's so very you.
You're not disposable!!!
LoL...
Great write.
Jessica
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