The first layers of snowfall cover the shallow graves. The graves of the strong the proud and the ones who were brave. It freezes the secrets of the notorious inside dreary caves.
Leaving those who do damage four months to crave. Enough time for them to take more then any one man gave. But enough is never enough for those selfish knaves.
Four long months till the white frost no longer masks their way. The blanket which once concealed their anonymity has now started to fray. And the takers who killed our best and brightest shall soon know dismay.
They shall know the burden in which those who loved the lost must weigh. Because now spring has come to melt the subterfuge away. That once hid the secrets and bodies that they left to rot in decay.
Author notes
Option #3 A Dark Write (no blood and gore. pre-write accepted
Allawy Mian
Amaranthine Lover
A contest entry
- seduce my mind by Immortal Obscurity.
300 points, ended October 7, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Extravaganza 3/ rhyme only by piccola.
600 points, ended October 12, 2008, 25 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To all those rejected poems!!! Come and Take Refuge!!! by No longer in use.
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600 points, ended November 4, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Nice wonderful job and most excellent superbness. Yay for words!!! Ahem.. This is really good. You've done well in putting together the neccessary thoughts to make the mind wonder what's everything all about.
Nice job. 
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Thank you for entering and Good Luck
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Deep
My Verdict is most likely the same sometimes cause of the fact that I'm not to great with summing everything up into one word but I couldn't help but to find this poem deep.
I found "They shall know the burden in which those who loved the lost must weight" to be strongest part to me in this poem.
Someday as they continue, the terms to which they will be punished shall come to light and they will no longer continue their ways. Everything they had done and that was hidden has infact come to light with the Spring Season, so they cannot hide any longer.
Could you please tell me if I'm somewhere along the lines of understanding this? I feel that I am but confirmation would help.
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Most things are too important to be summed up in to one word. I couldn’t quite believe that I had come up with such a line either. But it sounds good doesn’t it.
“Someday as they continue, the terms to which they will be punished shall come to light and they will no longer continue their ways” This line reflects that those who do damage should have a chance rectify there past misdeeds. But redemption should be judged not by the person but by the damage they do.
”Everything they had done and that was hidden has infact come to light with the Spring Season, so they cannot hide any longer.” Now you hit the nail right on the head with this line. Subterfuge can mask ones deeds for only so long.
Insight’s Not Given
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4321027
Allawy
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understood
Yes, it is hard to sum things up into one word and yes it sounds great actually.
I believe they should have a chance to rectify for past misdeeds and only judged by the damage that was done, equality not equanity no? or both? Hmm.. Something I am curious about when it comes to that statement x.x
People shouldn't try to hide things because as you stated, "Subterfuge can mask ones deeds for only so long" Im glad I could sum it up to the metaphorical nail on the head. =] Sorry it takes so long to reply but Im trying to reply to all of your comments, I quite enjoy replying to what you post. -
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“Sorry it takes so long to reply but Im trying to reply to all of your comments, I quite enjoy replying to what you post.”
Trying to post an in depth response to a poem or comment takes longer then a simple “yeah I agree”.
Allawy
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Lol, That is true.
I try to give a detailed reasoning for what I say and believe. I think this poem is one of my favorites ^_^ out of what I have read of yours.
Dude, I need to take the next week that I am off and read all of your poems be prepared because If I wake up early and remember to do so, You will have a wagon sized load of comments xD
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“Dude, I need to take the next week that I am off and read all of your poems be prepared because If I wake up early and remember to do so, You will have a wagon sized load of comments xD”
That suits just fine. I think the main reason a lot of us started posting our work on sites like this is to get the feedback. I know I have only been writing a year and a half so I post to try and get as much help as I can.
Allawy
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They shall know the burden in which those who loved the lost must weigh.
i love that line, this poem to me took on new meaning i want to be a forsensic pathologist and the idea of working in the law and then hearing about a murder and victim in a fantastic poem just wow, it shows why those who kill need to be punished. -
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I know the line you love can sound like a mouthful when you read it. But when you think about it the burden a death like that takes on a person. The line holds a lot of weight.
Alex
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