one evening you
pillaged my soul strings
and made a puppet-less disaster
out of quivering flesh
deliberately I drew you several suns
In several colors
and each color made a vagrant shadow
a flattened soldier aflame
with the starring smell of nebulous
distance
One evening you
were made of light
and pale dead you rose
to fervently splash my corpse
with the rays of God
I went to heaven
amidst the angels drumming
in a orchestral ringing of
my ancestors flailing "oh my's"
and paltry assurances
One evening you
held me to your bare bones
and stark white we were a sun
drawn to concrete, by dirty chalk
we were outlines of the day
I was clothed in bad music
heavy in the soul
and no strings could tune
my body into beauty
and in them I was a frozen star
a vaudeville poster raising horror
on the eyes
A contest entry
- great pieces that never got enough recognition by unraveled.
700 points, ended November 9, 2008, 35 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
good title ... good construction: the stanzas are not connected in any way except by tone and mood, yet they are related in an amorphous way to the sun and all that many faceted image can create. they are also related by a longing and its hopless knowledge of what that will be like ... i like the way you go down into the smallest details, chalk lines, etch .. i like the edgy snotty brilliance of this thing ...
I am hoping for a silver, or something like that, but what the heck
-
God, this is so beautiful.
Words cannot express my appreciation of this piece. The second stanza has fantastic imagery but the story for me is all about the 3rd and 5th stanzas. I like the evolution from sun to frozen star. And then a vaudeville poster, hehe
I will be surprised if this doesn't take a trophy. Certainly, so far I haven't seen enough talent for that to happen.
Thank you my friend, for being such an outstanding poet
Adding your comment:
