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Three pins

three pins
on a clothesline -
burnt down house

Author notes

Option 5: Whatever you can think of Be creative
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Option 3--
Something sad?
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Option Four: Make Me Cry.
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1) Write about a place that you love to see. Describe your feeling, your thoughts. Let me see, smell, touch,etc.
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++
Inside and outside
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“blueberry chocolate chip pecan banana apple pie”
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http://www.ahapoetry.com/aadoh/winmood.htm (it is saijiki)
helplessness and grief for the dead belong to winter
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12. I'm sentimental, not romantic.
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2. Something sad or heartfelt
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Secretary of Haiku
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Zvrhlík

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 53 of 53

  • Blue30
    February 19

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    great job

    This short poem really put a vivid image in my mind and a feeling on desperation when I read it. Great job


  • Six Foot Fall
    January 16
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    Great

    Probably one of the best 3 line poems I've ever read.

  • Bruce silver member
    December 31, 2008
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    Well heck! I liked it! The third line is totally surprising, as it should be. I think you did a good job with this one. Surprise us again!


  • Great Cthulhu
    December 27, 2008
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    Thanks for adding your poem to just one more contest...


  • lisapoet
    December 26, 2008
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    Sounds wonderful and exciting. I cannot wait to enter. Thank you


  • poetryality silver member
    December 5, 2008

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    You've done well in the brevity department and left a wonderful visual in my mind's eye. Thank you for this entry and please forgive my delay in commenting.


    Much Love & Respect ♥

    Renee

  • poetyaknoit
    December 1, 2008

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    oh wow. well done mate! excellent short and sweet. Best of luck in the contest. Keep on writing, ~TC

  • piccola silver member
    November 26, 2008

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    There is a great image painted here. I thought that haiku blessyou wrote this but I guess not lol. thank you for entering.


  • Miss Chievous
    November 26, 2008
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    Hm...This is very interesting.
    Sad indeed!

    Thanks For entering!


  • LunaAmara
    November 25, 2008
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    it's short and to the point--very sad indeed
    thanks for the entry
    good luck


  • silverscent gold member
    November 25, 2008
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    Firstly, best of luck in the many contest entered here...

    I enjoyed the sublty of the image you've created.
    The symbol of these 3 pegs being all that remains, in my opinion, can be a metaphor for something larger.
    Very well crafted.


  • Rhapsody
    November 25, 2008
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    Wow, i see a picture. Thanks for entering! Good luck.


  • Jaffa-
    November 23, 2008
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    Thanks for the poem.
    Nice, i didn't really see at first. But if you pull it back and look deeper it's much more interesting that it seems of first glance. very well done and good luck.


  • Ryno
    November 22, 2008
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    not feeling it
    ~prewrites, come and get them

  • Vera Rich
    November 21, 2008
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    Sorry. I think you must havehave misread the rules of my "Celebrating poetry and poets" competition. For this piece does not seem to refer to either. I wish you luck with it elsewhere - but for this particular competition, it has to rank as a "non-starter".


  • Memoirs of a Girl
    November 19, 2008

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    This is a very bland poem. I don't read or feel any emotion. I know it's a haiku, so shortness is necessary, but it just doesn't work for me.
    Thanks for entering!

    ~Memoirs


  • everydaysunday
    November 19, 2008
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    an interesting write. never forget-or maybe you already know; but poetry is supposed to make sense to you first; it's your expression to the world. don't let what someone says about confusion stop you from writing what you want. it's for you to know and them to figure out. i enjoyed it thoroughly. thanks.
    eve


  • ChaingangAngel
    November 18, 2008
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    Im confused on this write!


  • Guerrero
    November 14, 2008
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    very interesting poem.. it makes you think..good luck in my contest..


  • Kari gold member
    November 14, 2008
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    The only problem with this is a lot of people are confusing this with a senryu and they don't see how it relates as a haiku.
    I don't know much about haiku myself.
    I will say I don't understand how the imagery ties in together. I know in haiku you're suppose to have that boom,boom,bang I got it haha type moment...but it just didn't flow well together or something. I'm sorry but it could just be me.
    Each seperate line does make a nice visual tho. Maybe in your notes you could also explain the meaning of your haiku more?


  • albinoblacksheep720
    November 11, 2008
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    Um...

    That was good, but I couldn't imagine much. Images yes, but I couldn't feel. But, then again, I have to what for it to sink into my brain. So, good poem. Good luck


  • Shadow Wind
    November 11, 2008
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    remarkably this left an impression on me unlike most haiku... keep it up!


  • FloridaGatorQueen silver member
    November 10, 2008

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    This is very nicely done. It is very sad too. All they had left to their name was 3 pins. I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest.

  • Black Rayne
    November 7, 2008
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    Nicely done haiku


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    November 5, 2008
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    The contest rules specify a poem of at least 14 lines. I removed this haiku, but please feel free to submit another, longer poem to my contest. Peace, Liz


  • BabyBun silver member
    November 3, 2008
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    Hi - thanks for entering my contest - I enjoyed this. Best of luck!


  • Library Piggy Bank silver member
    November 3, 2008
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    this is tragic. I think its really great for a haiku. It has the set-up; and the aha! that in itself makes it really great. It's hard to pull off. I'm wondering though; is it a haiku or senyru?


  • Note The Sarcasm
    November 2, 2008
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    I'm sorry, but I have to disqualify you. I didn't realize that I hadn't checked the box that says that prewrites aren't allowed. Sorry.


  • trekkergirl
    October 24, 2008
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    nice. I am assuming this is a haiku. As it fits all the rules that I know of. I do like it however. Good job. thanks for sharing this and entering my contest.


  • writeroftoast
    October 23, 2008

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    .... good haiku. Somewhat funny in a sadistic sort of way. Definitely outside thinking. I like it. Good luck in the contest.


  • Shades of Pale silver member
    October 18, 2008
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    .......................... wow.


  • Painted Nails
    October 18, 2008
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    I can really see this image you placed in my head. This DOES have a great impact. Well done!
    Thanks for entering,
    Sydney


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    October 18, 2008

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    Good senryu, makes a great visualization of a tragic event. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • Olivias Violin
    October 18, 2008
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    To me, this haiku has tremendous impact!


  • Freswinn
    October 16, 2008
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    Of a photo, an apt description of devastation. Of itself, it seems to lack its punch.


  • mbm
    October 15, 2008

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    recrafted thought

    I was not only peeking at lines but experience of when observation is almost a mirage of where it belongs.

    as I saw the last verse showing a remains' frame with possible semblance of pegs dangling from top for aired out likeness. and contrasting degrees of warmth waited in resonance! a moment that can make you feel insane is then used for mind left upon recognizing this lived in look of the loss, and saved by such laughter a little to keep looking at things. reminds me of how disturbances can come out of not so distant miscarriage reminder in juxtaposed consideration

    well done, inspires me to stay serious with my haiku for impact ~
    call me Carolyn


  • Lislaine
    October 15, 2008
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    Nice write


  • seven
    October 15, 2008

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    nice haiku. I've always liked poems that tell a story. I'm not sure this is exactly what the contest is looking for though.

    Dunno. Maybe. I'll think on it.


  • cbsbecm88
    October 15, 2008
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    this was a unique poem, but i'm not sure it was what i was looking for...thanks for entering!

  • Topnotchsy
    October 13, 2008

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    Nice write. Congrats on the past trophies (well deserved I may add) and best of luck with future contests.


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    October 12, 2008
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    A very intresting Haiku thanks for your entry and good luck in the contest.


  • QueenCiar
    October 11, 2008

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    I'm not sure of what it all means, but a vivid image appears when I read it. Feel free to elaborate for me, but I don't see a connection to the contest.
    Still a short, but good write!


  • ourgirlFriday
    October 10, 2008
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    Wow....

    Not sure where to go with Haiku....
    It took a couple of reads to connect the option with the poem, but thinking of my grandmother hanging out the wash on the clothesline when I was young and care free...sentimental journey; not broken down over a lost house. If you want to improve it, try rearranging the words, or try a different ending.


  • nite stalker
    October 7, 2008
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    hmm, dont know what to say, defintly humorus though


  • SignifyingNothing
    October 7, 2008

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    This is definitely interesting, and the last line is certainly unexpected, somewhat of a shocker. At first I read this wrong- as "burned down a houae" but then I reread it and realized that wasn't what you were saying.

    I like this image. The meticulous detail of the pins up there, conveying a sense of domesticity, and then the revelation that the house is burnt down, meaning that this show of domesticity is futile and pointless, almost misleading.

    It could almost be applied to an abusive or bad relationship- the little details are done to make an effort, but the overall relationship is rotten.

    Or am I reading far too much into it? Anyway, this is very intriguing.


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    October 7, 2008

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    Oh, yikes... I'm not much for form, but I can always appreciate a good Haiku. Well done!

    Laura, aka Immortal


  • arnica karuna
    October 2, 2008
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    Mmmm... doesn't sound too dark to me, because I cannot relate to it...of course it's sad that the house burnt down, but what's so dark about it? All I see is that there's a house, probably vacant at the time of the fire... not too dark I should say, just unfortunate! If you could elaborate on this, I shall be grateful. Anyway, it made for a good read in the sense that your imagery was good, just what it lacked was the feeling of doom and dark. The house gt burnt down, but how? Either way, thanks and good luck for entering my contest!


  • Beautiful-Mistake
    October 1, 2008

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    Nice idea, but not quite right for my contest, im sorry, but please do elaborate on this, it should be great!


  • SchizoChic
    September 30, 2008

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    Ouch. So sorry to hear the house burnt down, but you did a great job with this nonetheless. Best of luck


  • xXBrutalRomanceXx
    September 28, 2008
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    lots of emotion... but what about?... i don't get it...


  • Flowergirl
    September 28, 2008
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    wow very nice and short just the way i like them thank you.....


  • MargaretG
    September 25, 2008
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    Oh dear, is that all that is left? Vivid picture with strong emotional connections, well done.


  • SEA angel gold member
    September 24, 2008

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    WOW!

    I had no idea what this would be about. What a vivid KODAK moment of the OMG! kind. Excellent contemporary Senryu!!!

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