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The man threatens 2

the man threatens
with a raised finger -
phone at ear

Author notes

Zvrhlík

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • medicalpoet
    February 19

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    hi

    I love a good haiku, now saying that noramlly a haiku is about seasons or weather or even wild life... but in this case, your poem is good. I enjoyed your write.


  • crimsondew
    December 28, 2008

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    That is the modern man alright....has to a ttend his mobile even while thretening....that's what I get from it....modern haiku done well with the last line coming on well....


  • Bluebook Pet
    October 27, 2008
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    I feel something lacking is it on me? I don't know. But I still want to hear more about this story.


  • trekkergirl
    October 24, 2008

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    This is another haiku. Not exactly a favorite form of mine but a lot of people have put them in this contest and I think that I have becoem to at least get an understanding of them somewhat. thanks for sharing this. And thanks for entering this into my contest.


  • No longer in use
    October 21, 2008
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    Um...I don't get it. Why is he threatening the phone? What did it do to him? Did it hang up on him? Did it...dissconnect. I've had that happen to me before. I got mad at it. But I didn't raise a finger at it thought. I just smashed it into the ground. All better.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    October 18, 2008
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    Nicely done.


  • Mari Goes gold member
    September 27, 2008

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    A husband getting very pissed off at his wife for staying gossiping with her friends on the phone for hours and forgetting about dinner leaving her hubby hungry! Some women talk a lot without taking time to breathe, yes that is it


  • J aime Coudre silver member
    September 26, 2008

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    maybe it is like when my phone would ring it seemed to signal to my kids that they could misbehave...the threatening finger was for them..."your're going to get it when I get off this phone!"


  • Yemassee gold member
    September 24, 2008

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    Well I've read your other haiku, and kitchy thing. My first thought of course is this guys pulling my leg. Pulling a lot of folks legs...those who praise what they don't understand, what doesn't deserve praise.

    Having said that, and just in case I'm wrong I will say that the only thing I can think of for this haiku is that the man speaks on the phone and while speaking, raises his finger, like he's actually speaking face-to-face with that person.

    But I rather like my former thought better.

1 - 9 of 9