My Dearest Love

I

Open eyed smiler, you who are my best.
You who are half me, yet so much more.
I have waited for you, and lined your nest
with my blood. Clasped you jealously with bone
and sinew to my heart. Now it is time,
my dearest love, for us to fall apart.

II

They say you cannot feel it, you should not,
but I feel your first heartbeat as one feels
a sucked cut throb against the tongue. Your squeals
awaken in me something that is not love,
but like it. Then you smile, and my face is
the riverbed, and my heart is the ocean.

III

Your eyes are so like his. You have his nose
they say. Mother ‘just popped round’ again
today to help with shopping. She thinks
that I’m not eating. I just want to lie
in bed with you all day and watch you sleep.
Your eyes are so like his, or so they say.

IV

I grew round, and hard for you, little one.
I was your eggshell. Feed her up on grit
or she’ll be soft like a water balloon.
Chew those stones well or you’ll burst open.
Each time you cry I count the seconds up
and leave one more before I come to you.

V

With tender fingertips I trace around
this navel that marks you mine. I feel
my body passing softly through its circle.
Shall I tell you a secret, little one?
I have stopped taking that medication
because your eyes are not like his at all.