I felt you, I know I did--
the strange sensations in my stomach
and how I felt sick most days.
Young, naive, didn't tend to conceive--
he was violent, agressive and I just sat back
and I know somehow you didn't blame me -
you're just a distant voice in a far off dream.
3 months without menstration, held a lot of tension
and I had taken a pregnancy test before so this time -
I couldn't bring myself to check, I feared you.
I feared us, I feared him the most.
I feared I'd lose you and I did.
Mid august, in bed and started to bleed -
I thought I'd finally be menstrating
but it only lasted a little whilst and left,
another 3 weeks til I started properly.
I cried - he phoned up a family friend,
said it's most likely a miscarriage
and I just couldn't believe my ears.
I suppose some part of me inside died.
I'm afraid I will never have you baby,
my precious little one who never was
but I feel so bad to be glad you didn't -
it's just your then Daddy was bad,
just don't hate on me. I love you.
I spoke to a psychic, they told me without prompting
that you were only 2 months old, not really developed -
I whimper, to know that somehow I know it's true
as some part of me left, when I was away from you.
Whatever happens, you'll come again my lovely one
and I promise you I'll be there til the end.
Don't give up on us, I want you my little love,
there's a star in the sky that you represent
and each tear in my eye is a love I can't represent.
Author notes
not many people know about this but i had a miscarriage last year...or at least, I expect so and it really hurts me and i'm worried i'm infertile and that i lost it as i was depressed afterwards hope this fits ok cj xxx
In a list
A contest entry
- Memories Never Die by Starz of Heaven.
1000 points, ended October 21, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For My Favorites by stargazer..
750 points, ended April 3, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
~♥~
Comments
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You should never give up or forget that feeling of love for the unborn baby, yes, there is or will be sadness and pain that comes with that, but the love will ever be stronger, even if it doesn't always feel like it or even if you try to deny it, a bond, a connection is established between the mother and baby that not even death at such a young age of development can ever break. Always hold onto that love and never give up hope that it will happen again.
Very emotional and honest write, though a very strong write, not the least because you had the courage to write about it.
Good write.
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nice work i love it keep it up...
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I am always here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to I do understand what you are going through hang in there be well
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i don't know what to put here, so all i will say is keep it flowing and good luck in the contest.
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