Bound to social standards
Born a wealthy child
Always timely, always quiet
Always proper, always mild.
Never speaking unless spoken to
Silence rigorous
I want to talk!
But discipline is what I do
Two years since then
I'm on the streets
In a black dress
I broke the silence, I confess.
I want to be free,
I want to be me
I want to live without
Standards and formalities.
I was too rebellious,
Thrown from my home
And I beg for money
So I can live on my own
Two years have passed
I'm no longer on the streets!
I don't know how it happened
But I'm married with a child.
He's small, but smart
Doing well at the books
I so love my husband
My heart's own passion
Now I look back
Back to my past
On my right I see
Dreaded properness.
Nobility.
Here on my left,
I remember the time
When I was free
And also a slave
Here I am happy
In between the two
Not pauper, not queen
Only loving family
Here I can be free from label
Free from desire and want
I now have all I prayed for
Now I am truly, sincerely free.
Author notes
MEH. You either like it or think it sucks. Balls in your court.
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired by MessedupMarionette.
700 points, ended October 10, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Hm. There are a few catchy stanzas in here (the 4th and 5th are my favorites), but on the whole I found it kind of boring. There was no hook, nothing to enthrall me. And the way some times the stanza rhyme and sometimes they don't, without any apparent pattern, is slightly annoying to me. It's something that can be overlooked, but it's something that I noticed and kept in mind throughout my reading of the poem. Also, the line "our loving family" in the second to last stanza seems out of place. In the rest of the poem, lines flow from one to the other in story form, one line continuing the thoughts of the previous line. But in that stanza, she talks of being not rich, but not poor and then randomly throws in the fact that she has a loving family (which could be interpreted as saying that love is all she needs, but the phrasing is still a bit weak). I do, however, like the message that sometimes we have to break the rules. It may be against the guidelines set by the rest of the world and may land you in a pretty miserable spot, but if following your dreams means stepping out of character a little, then do so and see where you go (this of course has limitations. Some dreams will land you in prison unless the are well executed).
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Nice comment. I actually chuckled there at that last bit. This one was made for a picture prompt... you have to see the picture to start understanding. Then you have to carefully read it to know what means what. Then you have to live with me for almost 20 years to understand the way I think and see what molds my mind.
I agree, though, I could have done better on this one. It definitely was one of my weaker ones.
~Asa of the Panzer-Striking Poles of Hopelessness -
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I'm glad I could add a bit of humor to your morning ^_^
Aha, I see. That might have something to do with it, though I think a poem should be able to stand on its own, even when it is picture based. Like Sylvia Plath's poem Two Views of a Cadaver room. I think that's her picture prompted poem. The painting it's based on is very nice, very detailed. It's a great one to look at up close.
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Hey there nice to see something from you I wish you luck in the contest best wishes always be well
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I love the message behind this. The idea of freedom from your family and traditions but also freedom from your own mistakes is something very near and dear to my heart. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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WOW!! this really good
I liked it
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I agree with Fixing Tomorrow. the beginning was stronger but overall it was a good poem
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i agree this is very good. This was one of my thoughts when i saw the pic as well, only i couldnt get it into words. Good thing too, i wouldve looked foolish lol. awesome job here, good luck in the contest.
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Did you enter too? If so, good luck to you too! Don't have the time to check though. Just on break from work for a bit. Thanks for the comment!
~Asa of the Swings of Harvest
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I like it. the beginning was better than the end i think. but good idea
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Wow. I really liked this one... Asa. It's amazing.
I wish I could give you more than three of these guys.
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Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it... Have a favorite part?
~Asa of the Seven Circles of Incompletion -
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Well, I don't agree with Lana.
The last stanza was my favorite. I like the way it was phrased.
But I think the overall idea is the best. It fits the picture so well.
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the picture is wonderful your story for it is wonderful love. very creative indeed thinking what they could be thinking always love reading you good luck
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Thanks! I thought at first of something different, but then, I got this angle and liked it more, so scratched the first... I was careful that the bottom half when she was free was not rhyming. It's supposed to symbolize the freedom a little... Did it work? Heheh.
~Asa of the Serventens of Poetry
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