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Only Go.

When your eyes respond to your ears,
when your brain creates your biggest fears.
Somewhere there's a dry ocean,
somewhere the dessert is wet.
Someday we'll fall in love,
the wheels are already in motion.

Take a step back, to see where we are;
We seem so close, but we can only go so far.

Try to take this ocean, and blow dry it hot,
try to spit in this dessert, make mirages real...
But the truth is, m'dear, nothing is all that we've got.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • maktub
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    great word pictures for your thought....well put.

    Ok constructive criticism:
    perhaps if you changed the first stanza bit to
    "When eyes respond to ears,
    when brain creates your biggest fears."

    I think the idea would still translate that the eyes and ears are yours, because after 'create' would come "your biggest fears".

    but even without that, I still really like this...the flow can be a bit awkward at times, but...this piece as a whole is great.


    • Academy
      October 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I agree the flow is a bit stiff sometimes.
      Esp with the "make mirages real".
      I almost hated the whole thing cause of that.
      It just doesn't fit nicely.

      Thank you for your comment,
      and the applause!