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Hurting Heroes

Stop breathing for a moment
and  listen to my world crash into the sea.
No cheers or sullen splendor,
just deafening dichotomy.

You pulled me up, pulled me through
'till there was no turning back.
Then you let go like I knew you would,
ceding everything you taught, turning slack.

Your lethal touch, that vicious smile,
the way you lost your eyes in his.
Don't play that game of hurting heroes
or you might just find I'm missed.

The life you led was yours and mine
until our dying day.
But now you're gone and I'm still here
longing for someone else to play.

Author notes

My other one was better =/

That's all I can think of

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • eatingupyourmind
    October 12
    Edit | Reply
    Okay, you made me smile by reading that haiku.. now your making me sad.
    Thank you, your helping me get over my writers block.


  • HumanoidTom
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    OMG

    The life you led was yours and mine
    until our dying day.
    But now you're gone and I'm still here
    longing for someone else to play.
    my favorite part good job


  • YesterdaysDreams
    November 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You pulled me up, pulled me through
    'till there was no turning back.
    Then you let go like I knew you would,
    ceding everything you taught, turning slack.

    So many people have had someone do this. Beautifully written, very elegant in prose.


  • weewatto
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    hmmm...

    ..."No cheers or sullen splendour,
    just deafening dichotomy."

    I LOVE those two lines...sad, simple, eloquent, economical. All good things, fab write. x


  • can-i-make-a-comment
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so very sad and perfectly worded... i'm actually glad i got to know you really well before i read anything of yours. it enabled me to appreciate this at its full value. if i'm correlating correctly, then i know what this poem is about, but even if i'm wrong i can still understand it.

    i liked the first two lines of the last stanza best.. sounds like something i would've or have written.

    i'm here for you to play [with]. also, i thought you might want to know.. in the second-to-last line, you missed an ' and an e in "your".

    you'rse face.


    • Imposing Snail
      October 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm glad you did too, it enabled me to appreciate your comment to its full value.

      I expect you've correctly correlated, you're a clever person.

      I imagine alot of this stuff doesn't make sense to people who don't know anything about me. But then it isn't really supposed to, it's not them I'm writing for.

      Also, nice pickup of the your. I really should learn to proof read.


  • Til the Day I Die
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    well

    to tell you the truth i kinda like this =) i like it cause it's different. great write

    love Dawn

1 - 7 of 7