Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

to write love on her arms


She samples reality
[in small doses]
and slowly puts it back.
In need of something more,
life isn't what it should be [could be].

Like an hourglass,
time is moving fast.
She only wishes

people cared for her.
Not just "How are you?"
but taking time to go
grab something to eat.

The void that's there,
is influential in her artwork.
[some call it skin, others canvas]

No one takes the time to understand the tears,
the constant pain that has lived in her for years.

Where were you

when I cut too deep
and I thought, this was it for me?

That I am just another legacy [if lucky].

Quit with the stares, like I'm not human,

when all of the pain is more than skin deep.
Stop spouting off all of your theories as to why I am this way:

Attention-getter, I need a hug, or maybe it's just a phase.
If I wanted attention, I'd do other things than make myself bleed.

Have you ever thought,
beyond your ignorance and fallacies,
that I may need help from you?

Just another friend, an honest helping hand,
who will be there for me when no one else can [will]?

There's more to saving than just picking up the phone.

 

Author notes

This is inspired by the amazing non-profit organization To Write Love On Her Arms
www.twloha.com

Option - 11. Suicide(can write about all the emo stuff u want, hahas)

1: Write a poem about Self harm. I know that this might be a hard issue to discuss for some people. But i feel that the best poetry is when someone feels strongly about something and i have seen many good poems on this subject. So i know people here can do it. No bashing people that do it and saying it's a load of rubbish but so that you can hurt yourself in the poems or anywhere else though. That will not be accepted.

AP Name: Lowercase Prelude

Option - 47. To Write Love on Her Arms

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 50 of 50
  • HollyLouise
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    "She samples reality
    [in small doses]
    and slowly puts it back.
    In need of something more,
    life isn't what it should be [could be]."

    I loved that part the best, as well as other particular lines.
    Cuttings something a lot of people talk and think about, and I like the perspective you've written this from.

    Holly.

  • Wow, the title intstantly drew me in. I really liked this. cutting has become a big part in everyday life. Alot of people do it to "relieve stress". I wouldn't be suprised if everyone in this generation of today hasn't cut or had thoughts about cutting. And the sad part is, alot of people do it because of love. Great write, powerful emotions and great imagery. I really liked the message you put into this. Great job and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • Metaphorist
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is one of my favorite titles and charities. Cutting has become a part of adolescence these days. I was just listening to a girl talking about how she used to cut and why. And your line here “when all of the pain is more than skin deep” says it perfectly. Thank you for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • LoveLikePoetry
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    Love it. One thing, how it's called To Write Love On Her Arms, love that organization, and support it myself. It overall has a nice flow, and you seem to be saying that you may say you're trying to help, but that isn't enough than actually being there, couldn't agree with you more.
    Thanks for the entry.

  • wow this is honestly amazing. its so full of emotion. it really caught my attention. i can really relate to this.
    " No one takes the time to understand the tears,
    the constant pain that has dwelled in her for years."
    my favorite part :]
    keep up the great writing


  • Jaffa-
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this i thought that it was a very thought out right and a really lovely way of putting somthing as hard to write about as this subject. I really liked the flow and '[some call it skin, others canvas]' This really went well with the title.
    Well done and good luck in the contests.
    Thanks for the heartfelt entry.


  • Nicada silver member
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is so powerful in its message of someone reaching out for help, real help. You have written this very well and with such honesty. Great job, and thanks much for entering. Blessings, Patty


  • bby J
    November 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "The void that's there,
    is influential in her artwork.
    [some call it skin, others canvas]

    No one takes the time to understand the tears,
    the constant pain that has dwelled in her for years."

    my favorite part!
    great job!


  • CherokeeSiren
    November 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! you've just described me...... wow. great job.


  • in silver script
    November 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    .....wow.........

    I'm pretty much speechless. This is just amazing.


  • Sortingthroughlife
    October 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful!
    My favorite out of them all.


  • transcendental baby gold member
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    We all feel that isolation and despair at crucial times in our lives ... some people just have to make suffering their identity though. Well, it is a self-absorbed disease ... one where your pain is all that matters. Good job of creating a voice for it


  • Yorkshire Rose
    October 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    OMGosh, this is just an increbile poem


  • SolaceInTears
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    she samples reality in small doses. wow.

    this is amazing. i love the last line as a clincher, "There's more to saving than just picking up the phone."

    i actually wrote a poem on the same thing a few months ago. you should check it out. http://allpoetry.com/poem/4150875


  • The Poetic Bandits gold member
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bandit Appreciation!

    Thank you for this entry to the Bandit Reading list



    The Poetic Bandits

  • The Pole Star
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This just left me speechless, I have copied this one to my computer, hope you don't mind. This was very personal to me, made me remember of some personal things... well done..


  • Haiku-bless-you gold member
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good character study of a person who feels disconnected with the world, who needs to reconnect. The few options open to this person lead them down a path of no return. People need to know that other people care and are there for them. A smile, a hug, time to talk and share are all important to the lonely. We need to reach out beyond our comfort zones and be a bridge to hope and future for them. Well written piece, thanks for sharing.

    Dennis


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    We all deal with problems in our own way. Sometimes others can't let out the pain and they have to resort to other drastic means. I hope those people have the courage to seek help.


  • movedon
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    [in small doses]

    i love those first two lines. they drew me in. amazing. absolutely amazing

    love
    mylee


  • ml12
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I find the final line to be very grim. While much of what you say is true, I like to believe that some connection in better than no connection. I think that you have portrayed this topic well and although I have never personally experienced any of this, I have had a number of family members and friends confronting similar issues. I commend you for your work.


  • Simply Simple
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was amazing. I mean wow... Normally the topic of cutting and suicide is poorly done and left in bad hands. However, it was safe with you. You took an overworked idea and found a new angle. I was really impressed.


  • ZachP silver member
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful writing... I like the power and force of your metaphors and imagery. This is exceptionally deep and introspective, and, to be frank. Amazing.

    Thank you for sharing with the bandits

    Best wishes, Zach


  • ShelleyA gold member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very good write. Deep. Heartfelt and introspective.
    Deep expression of emotion. Good flow and tone. Very good closing line. Well penned.


  • trista gold member
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi there

    I think you’ve done a good job of delving into the mind of a cutter, although never having been one, I can only imagine myself. Still, this gives me more understanding than I could ever come up with on my own. I especially loved the “some call it skin, others canvas” line.

    There are some things I think you could do to tighten this up just a wee bit...for example:
    “She only wishes that
    people cared for her.
    Not just a "How are you?"
    but taking the time to go
    and grab something to eat.”
    You have a lot of “filler” words that aren’t needed, and only serve to “water down” the write. The words “that”, “a”, “the”, and perhaps even “and” could (IMO) be taken out without changing the meaning or hurting the flow.

    “The void that's there,
    so influential in her artwork”
    This is an incomplete sentence and makes me wonder...okay, what about the “void”? Perhaps exchange “so” with “is”? (and don’t forget a period after “artwork” )

    S4 seems like it could or should be all one sentence with a question mark at the very end, to avoid the incomplete sentence those last 3 lines together give it, if punctuated after L1. Also...“That I was just another legacy [if I'm lucky],” Seems like there is a change in tenses here (“I was” vs. “I am” Maybe it's just me on that, but I’d suggest taking “I’m” out. This stanza made a nice transition from speaking “about” her, to speaking “for” her, very smooth and barely noticeable.

    Lastly...you may want to take another look at the punctuations in S5 and S6...

    These are just my opinions of course, for whatever they are (or aren’t ) worth. All in all I think you’ve done a great job empathizing with “her” and trying to get a message out; I only hope you don’t know too many who have this problem for real.

    Best of luck to you in the contest,
    ~J.
    P.S.
    I wonder...do any guys cut too? I’d love to see this from a male perspective...

    • lowercase prelude gold member
      September 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Okay, I changed it. Is it better now?


      • trista gold member
        September 30, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Yes, I think the changes you've made have improved the piece, though it was pretty darn good to begin with. Maybe still want question marks at the end of L3 and L5 of the last stanza, though? Whenever I write something now (which unfortunatly, I admit isn't often ) I try taking out little words like "the", "and", "of", etc. just to see if they're really needed or not. The most powerful and impactful words are your nouns and verbs, along with a few well chosen adjectives.

        It can be very difficult to get into the mind of another person, but you do so very well. I look forward to reading more of your work...and I swear I'm not always so critical.

        Best wishes!
        ~J.

        • lowercase prelude gold member
          September 30, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          And which L3 and L5 are you talking about? Which stanza?


        • lowercase prelude gold member
          September 30, 2008

          Edit | Reply
          Well I tend not to care so much about my correct grammar as I am about just writing. Sometimes, everything is written okay. But, if you you read my stuff and go backwards and check it out, you can see I don't put a lot of emphasis on it. And it would take WAAAY too long to fix them all, as many as I have.

          But thanks for helping me with this one.


          • trista gold member
            September 30, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            "Have you ever thought,
            beyond your ignorance and fallacies,
            that I may need help from you.(?)
            Just another friend, an honest helping hand,
            who will be there for me when no one else can [will].(?)

            Sorry about that, hope this helps.


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is quite deep cuz, and i just love the title

    a very thought provoking, good write here


    Cind's


  • tortured-heart
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is unfornately true for so many...keep these emotion filled ones coming
    peace, love, & cheese


  • KateMadness
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    And

    I still love it. It was absolutely what I thought you would write. You did a very great job and I used to live by those words. I feel pretty bad for people that were once like me, the skin like a canvas to us.

    I still don't understand why my friends do it. I've asked them countless times if they needed anything or something like you've said in the poem, but even still, they reject me like I'm the plague. :/

    Great job!

  • wittier than lunacy
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good work in progress

    It seems the masses are fascinated by cutting. What exactly is it that compels people to knowingly hurt themselves? It's apparent that you've tried exploring the mind of a cutter, but your message is dulled a bit by cliches like "emo kid."

    Even though you're expressing that your speaker is NOT an "emo kid," that kind of language makes it colloquial or childish, when the rest of the poem seems serious. Your first statement doesn't make sense. Ignoring the bracketed part, the line reads "She samples reality / and slowly puts them back." Make sure your thoughts make grammatical sense.

    Additionally, I don't really understand the italicized bracketed parts. They seem dramatic but purposeless.

    Good ideas. Keep working and this will be stronger.


  • Angelix
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I love it.

    This is beautiful. I don't have any least favorite parts. Nothing sounds awkward. I enjoyed your writing and I hope you write more.


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good poem. It shows a depth of understanding of the desperation of others. I tend to be pragmatic and a constant planner. It allows me to be an optimist. I can understand the other side, but I do not believe that I could express it like you have in this poem.

    Great job.

    Mike


  • Re-invention silver member
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    bravo... im speechless I can relate to this from head to toe

    If you dont mind im adding this to my fave list.
    Ilove this write its so powerful and full of feelings its almost as real as I am
    thanks for sharing!

  • Robin Greene
    September 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    I find this not only powerful but deeply scarey. Excellent piece of writing.


  • penman gold member
    September 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    A very inspirational and thoughtful write. Thank you for sharing


  • blood-for-ink
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    omigod! this is so gooooooooood!!!!! how do you write like this?! kidding... i love it love ya!!
    ~lola


  • Number 13
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love it ♥ ♥

    btw "Quit with the stares, like I am a freak
    When all of the pain is more than skin deep
    And I'm not an emo kid, I'm not her to make a scene
    If I wanted attention, I'd do other things than make myself bleed."

    her should be here?

    ^_^

    this is gorgeous and full of emotions.


  • Xombii
    September 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I look forward to reading this when it's finished!

  • KateMadness
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hmm

    I like what you have so far!

1 - 50 of 50