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For her he swam with sharks (Abuade)

I could not wait to see the Sea.
To be broken by her swell.
As she does this easily.
With her salty rhythmic spell.

In my mind I reminisce
of playing on her shore.
Sunny days of childhood bliss,
and tide-pools to explore.

But now I do not recognize.
These waters I am in
Nor the priest sent to baptize
beneath its dark-grey fin.

"The sun bled well today" was all the Sea would say.
I was led astray, now beneath her waves I stay.

Author notes


Written January 22nd, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Ashley Mosely
    January 23, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    hmmm..this leaves me to think more about the inspiration this manifested from
    i like how you personified the sea-it's a simple yet complex element , much like a woman

    ash


  • blkwidowsd
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    wow!!!

    Wow!!!!!!!!
    This is a Great piece, love the metaphoric comparisons!!!!!
    AWESOME!!!!!!
    Thanks foe entering
    Best Wishes
    ~Tracey~


  • cvillelisa
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    feels like a companion piece to blood oaks..


  • Nyx Iscariot
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I was led astray, now beneath her waves I stay.
    -i think you should put the word AND between astray, and now.
    but that's me and you can ignore me if you so chose.

    but i see this as a metaphore for being perhaps in love or maybe involved in some type of sexual relationship, where you are burned and drowned all at once and you cant even take two minutes to catch your breath before you are bludgeoned again...and sunk.

    Nyx...

  • Kafnen
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i love the way u personified the sun, sea and shark. the sun has an interesting opinion really...
    it was softly brutal ( an oximoron i'm sure but thats just how it felt)


  • Naughtygrlred
    January 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    dam u got issues, i love it


  • B2oH
    January 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Crisp, Strong

    Forgive me, Dear Sir, but if I were to be blindfolded and driven for an hour and then told I would view Horus8's "darkside corner of his mind", I would frankly risk life and limb to escape in some effort to preserve what sanity I have remaining. I would not be prepared to view this gentle rhyming vision.

    Yes, its dark, but not the darkness I've come to expect. This is tonal darkness, displaying a tonal weave of light to dark in a smooth pattern of rhythmic bliss...almost as if death is salvation from the sins of the flesh.

    Well written, crisp clean metaphors and displays strength in word selection. I like this.

1 - 7 of 7