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Twisted Society


Initiation...Degradation
souls infused with hatred
killings just another word
for acceptance
I’m winning me a prize you say
as you actively seek out
those who answer the call
of your feeble brain
God help us all!
you want to run with the bad guys
and prove yourself worthy
a part of something bigger
mean keen and dirty
to be one of them
is all that surely matters?
united in twisted reality
and the blood that is splattered
with jagged thrusts of a knife
you spill the blood and take the life
of innocence...lost forever
thanks to your evil endeavours
as the blood forms a puddle
on the unforgiving road of gravel
in anonymous streets and places
that were once a means to an end
to get to what you call home
now because of your deed
their end...is your means
all that's left is minds tortured
with carefree abandon
and no forethought
we know their loved ones live on
long after the cruel act is done
nothing takes away the agony
even time is never guaranteed
to lessen its grip and give succour
to the hearts torn asunder
when the light has dimmed
in panic stricken eyes
and souls have flown
into the heavenly skies
their journey through this life
is now completed
but what of those left behind
whose souls are defeated
Who are left to mourn
what you have engineered
each drop of blood
equals one million tears
bereft of their loved ones
so adored and nurtured
who they sought to build character
and teach virtue
happy individuals on a path paved
with tomorrows
of what could have been
but was now lost forever
bedrooms lay empty
with the ghosts of before
of words left unspoken
and minds numb with feeling
in a world where violence
seeks to scar
those whose lives are not
consumed with war
knives were never made
to take another’s life
to kill a human being
to harm...annihilate
so you got you wanted
you’re part of a team
how proud you must be
how high your esteem
no peace you’ll find
once the deed is done
when sleep evades you
and your mind reruns
your act of depravity
upon society’s children
eventually you’ll have
to answer to someone
whatever your thoughts are
on who created life
there will come a time
when you will answer the call
when death’s crooked finger
will beckon us all
then what will you say
will you be filled with pride
of what you’ve accomplished
during this life
think carefully before
you think to hurt another
you can’t retrace your steps
 undo the damage
suffering is not only for those
who weep at their loss
but for us all
whatever the cost
there I will leave you
to your thoughts of tomorrow
and the ghosts of lost souls
who dwell in your shadow
 

Author notes

Written in response to the knife crime amongst teenagers...especially in the UK.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16
  • a long piece but you get wrapped up in it and it vanishes quickly - ah death and madness - i suppose we all have the potential but it is choice. and i even thought whilst reading those that kill for the sake of peace, death is death. a good poem.

  • Emotional write

    I'm part of a stop the killing movement in the US where gun crime is more prevalent and murder is leading causing of death for young African-American males. When you spoke of the lost tomorrows, I thought of the Prime Minister's recent remarks nearing the anniversary of the Rwanda genocide...he spoke of visiting a grave of a young boy...favorite sport football, what he wanted to be when he grew up a doctor, cause of death tortured to death, last words "The U.N. will come for us." Thank you for being there for those youth and speaking truth and giving poetic, powerful voice to stop the slaughter.

  • That indeed it is. Society has always been a bit lost, but I think we fear telling ourselves the truth, as we fear what we will ultimately see.


  • Stevie.me
    January 10

    Edit | Reply

    Very Moving

    If good poetry is a transmitter of feelings then you did a great job. This poem left me feeling heartbroke in places. I think alot of people will identify with this poem and it will speak to them. I'd say it needed economy fix but I think you just had alot to say. I loved the imagery.


  • AsIThink gold member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply

    Oh my gosh...

    So much pain and sorrow in the world. This is one of the reasons that I like to write-light (in most instances). What a powerful lesson in humanity and anguish. Your skillful crafting of this piece will hopefully serve well, as a reminder or warning to the criminals and those inticed toward that bend. Thank you for posting this shadowy instruction. Very well said:

    "whatever the cost
    there I will leave you
    to your thoughts of tomorrow
    and the ghosts of lost souls
    who dwell in your shadow"

    AsIThink...


  • stars-
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    *stares wide eyed in wonder* wow. that is all i can say. it is ironic though cause we have been doing a unit in english class about man's capacity for evil. this describes it very well. it doesnt have to even be totally about killing. especially the first part. people do bad things that they wouldnt normally do because they want to be accepted. and there are concequences that are felt by more that just those who commited the origional act. there is no spectators in war. when bad things are going around, if you can do something but do not, you are guilty too.


  • karma-n-peace
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Its as though you crept into my soul and read every thought and feeling on this subject.
    What an awesome write, strong write!
    Thank you so much for putting to pen such a creative and truthful piece!


  • LdyBrknWing gold member
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is the first of its kind that I've read since joining the site almost five years ago. While I've read many poems having to do with the shedding of blood, it's usually regarding the practice of "cutting." This is the first I've ever read reagarding the murder of innocents (whoever that might be), and the repurcussions of those who are left shattered, broken, and forever changed by it. While the theme of the piece was sad (how could it be otherwise), the write itself was great! I'm impressed by your ability to not only show us the crime itself, but its after-effects on those left behind. A truly great write!


  • nature mithya
    December 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You have choosen a very important subject.

    To put thoughts with emotions is very difficult here.

    Destruction bloodshed corruption are an easy way out for people with little mind.
    Ending the write with the following appeal is very constructive.
    'I will leave you
    to your thoughts of tomorrow
    and the ghosts of lost souls
    who dwell in your shadow

    Congrats for picking the subject.


  • BrittlesSkittles
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so powerful and intriguing. i could tell you are really affected by this topic and you poured your emotions into it so well. i love the imagery and the symbolism. great work! thanks for entering


  • Pete Greenslade gold member
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    powerful and emotive,,,society is fearful now of knives,,wonderfully penned for our attention maggie,,thanks

  • Tercarro
    October 28, 2008

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    Impressive

    I would love to hear this read aloud in the streets and cities for all who pass for they should listen as this tale is told. I do beleive that you could expound this story and get the message across in way that would make people listen. I think of this as coming from the peoples poet.
    TC

  • lahsen el baqali
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    it has a cast a good spell on m


  • black hearted rebel
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Wow this was a bit 2 long but still a really good poem...you had my attention from begining to end Thanks for entering


    • Mariana gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank You for your comments. Much appreciated. :-)

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