You
I expected more
And you failed to comprehend
And you
Need to stop breathing
Now
A contest entry
- Set phrasers to STUN (This is a Contest.) by blind ecye dog.
850 points, ended October 17, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This has that quality, in the first lines, that it seems we are all aware of. That, 'you never understood me', thing. Perhaps it is because we were all young once.
But then the, (paraphrased), 'you are dead to me' lines follow and, for me, take away from the punch in the gut that could have been there.
Still, as is, it a powerful statement that I am not sure I am capable of making. RED
