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First love

His smile helped me
through my darkest moments
When there was an impossible task
'For Him' I thought
His face perfect
His hair felt soft
His gaze friendly
His name forever ringing in my ears
I cried for him in the nights
For he didnt love me back

Author notes

prompt # 3

A contest entry

I have never written a peice about love so is it good???

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • daviscth silver member
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this very much. You have some wonderful imagery in your words. Thanks for sharing in my contest.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ah..I can see your heart inside of the words moving..lingering..crying..and loving in between the thoughts..this is the love around the words of poetry..well done..


  • Missing Carolina
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If this is your first piece about the subject, then we have a lot to look forward to! You've deftly touched on so many important elements, and handled them lovingly, even the disappointment. Well done!


  • Cora Jane16
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very nice

    Try rhyming it helps things flow sometimes. I liked your loving description. Very Nice work.


  • juggalette cutie
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like your poem so thanks for writing


  • Darc Soul 69
    September 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is really good and i dont see anything wrong with it tho it seems to be missing something after the following line "His gaze friendly" but over all it was a good poem and i thank you for sharing it with all of us here on AP

    • headintheclouds
      September 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for the feedback I editted it and I hope you like the new line

1 - 7 of 7