Sidewalk steamed with rain.
“Damn! It was my last one.”
She opened her hand, brown
flakes stuck to sweat.
The broken cigarette tossed.
Watched a bead fall,
splash on the porch floor.
We rocked the swing slowly,
stirred the air, keeping
our distance.
The linen blouse showed
the shadow of the black bra
another wall. We were crashing
in the heat, wanting a way back
before the wrong words spoken.
Circled one another, dogs
our hackles up. I know
the black bra was for me. She knew
I had quit smoking. How
meanings rust in summer rain.
5:18 PM
9/22/08
Martha Custis Library, VA
Author notes
My two: broken cigarette, black bra
A contest entry
- Your Challenge Is To... by Dalaney.
900 points, ended October 2, 2008, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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I love the ending. It's a bit Morgan-esque, which I love. (Morgan is a poet I love to death.) There's some beautiful imagery here; it deserved the bronze and probably the silver. Great write!
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thanks, I appreciate the compliment. I just wanted to catch a moment in a way that brought home a sense of the underlying tension.
Peace,
Tom B.
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The surrealism of being introspective. What we don't say can present itself without words. I felt the tension in this moment and the anxiety of not wanting to mess it up was a great line. The image of the cig and the rain allowed me to easily absorb this poem. Very enjoyable read as usual. Rock on!
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Often the more we don't wish to say the louder we speak.
Thanks.
Peace,
Tom B.
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I will say I do appreicate the insinuations and allusions you create throughout the poem and your last sentence ties it in a perfect bow. Congrats on your bronze, well played good sir.
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I love how a scene speaks. Glad you enjoyed my little one act play.
Peace,
Tom B.
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Ooh!
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Two many summers spent getting past the porch swing.
Peace,
Tom B.
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tom, this poem is putting you on the prelim list i LIKE this very much. love, lane
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It is a total vignette. Seemed to be the best way to present the subject matter. Thanks for enjoying my efforts.
Love,
Tom B.
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I love the way the story flowed..It is so much like the reality of people situations. Sometimes things just happen and they are small and maybe insignificant, but then again, are they??
This was mixed with the emotions of the moment and left with the residue of that moment.
Very well done..
Best of luck in the contest.
Love
Nor
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You raise a good point. We want the world to be perfect and deal with us in a way that shows it cares. At the same time we seek forgiveness for our less than sterling behavior. It is the most childish and basic double standard.
I am too aware of how the situational imperitives often command us more than all the reason we profess. The less ego centric we are, the more we realize that control is a fantasy, every day has its dose of risk and we sail a course that is more happenstance than sure.
Love, Tom B.
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how I do so love that last stanza, my dearest guru friend. There's intensity here, smoking hot between you two in the rain. Fantastic, romantic. Oh, how I miss those rain sprinkled last smokes moments.
Loved it, best wishes,
jin
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There is so many times when the situation demanded and I responded. Later I would list all the reasons. But, they were lies told to maintain the pretense I had some control. Intensity does not replace the truth of feelings. Unfortunately, it is often a substitute for what we are afraid to look at. Passion becomes, then, a lie we grow uncomfortable wearing.
Love, Tom B.
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Passion Rules
Yes passion rules here but it's held in check by fear of reaching out and being rejected. In just a few words you've given us an introduction to the interactions between two intense personalities.
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We make much of lives and explanation of situational imperitives. Control a pretense we too often invest in. Reasons for actions more often a 20/20 hindsight window dressing for results over which we have no control. Intense? I can hear your comittment to a result.
Peace,
Tom B.
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What are we if not an exploding volcano of emotion? I love how this seemed playful yet serious all at the same time. I like how these seemed like moments in moments, if that makes any sense. Very powerful write it made me daydream about spring rain...
Jordanne
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It makes perfect sense, because it is. We are creatures of impulse and situation. Most of what we say for reasons is nonsense spoken to maintain the appearance of control.
Love, Tom B.
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I love how the black bra is symbolic of the desires, and passion he wants to reach....beyond the wall into her soul once again. Un-nerved no cruthch; his (cigarettes) just raw emotions. You painted a wonderful picture of man, woman reaching for each other with out saying a word.......I totally enjoyed this read......excellent! novy
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I like the meal you created from the ingredients.
Love, Tom B.
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Exceedingly modern and magnificent with hidden meaning. I find that challenges seem to stir
the best in you. This one paints such deliberate
interactions, it screams show, don't tell as
imaginative poetry should. Blue
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I have written vignettes since I can first remember. I like catching a moment. This one is finely shaved to a particular time. I wanted to use the setting to show everything without remorse and then let the kohn at the end open the spirit of the reader.
Love, Tom B.
In a sense, every poem is a challenge. Often AP challenges serve to keep me focused when my own world is dry.
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Edgy and romantic. The things not said are often the loudest messages. How good you are at these vignettes. ~ Karen
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Thanks for the vote of confindence. We are often as defined by circumstance more, than we are by desire.
Love, Tom B.
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Hmm
Deep, very good I like it. Although I am against swear in poems( or anything for that matter)
~ Going for top comments, I am to poor to applaud~
~Need advice for my poems,thanks~ -
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Have to stay in character. Not about personal like or dislike but character. I like vignettes for their ability to speak beyond the moment but be nothing more than the moment.
Love, Tom B.
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very different. but all the same, i enjoyed.
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Wanted to use a single scene/image to provoke all the reader needs to feel and know. Glad you enjoyed.
Love, Tom B.
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