Please, listen.
I don't know if you understand me,
these vague nonexistent cries,
but, listen anyways.
I know you think I can't sense it,
sense what you want to truly do;
but please, just let me live.
What I'll become,
that's still unsure;
but I know it'll make you proud.
You have every reason to lose me
in the forgetful haze of a stormy past,
but I have one great reason
for you to brave the night:
Me.
I'm not sure if you can hear my voice,
but if you go through with this,
you never will.
I'm still so small,
some say I don't exist.
But I wish that they knew.
I want to feel a cool summer breeze,
to behold the silent, endless waters,
to hears the trees whispering to the wind,
to live a life you wish to steal.
Him, He wants me to stay,
and I hope you'll listen to Him.
I'm within you.
I'm a part of your body
and a part of your soul.
I can't say I'll remember
the potent power of life you could give,
or that the future can ever be;
but you'll still know how I feel.
Gratitude, beyond any physical means.
But that can never be,
this can never be,
I can never be,
if only you will just please,
Let Me Live.
What's your opinion on this topic?
Comments
-
Unfolding well
I like how you used some great alliteration with "potent power" (5th stanza) and repetition in the last stanza with "never be." Your presentation was a bit mysterious and therefore intriguing.
A few minor critiques/questions: I was a bit confused by the shifting from "I" to "you" at several points in the poem. Is "you" every reader or some other person the poem is addressed to? Also, in line 13, you wrote "on" but I think you meant to write "one." The 2nd stanza seemed like it was useful (maybe even necessary) background, but it felt out of place to me.
Overall, good job.
Keep writing and expressing yourself!

