“Yes, she was sweet wasn't she?
Of course, what's done is done,
nobody blames you my dear.
Life is...”
(What?
Oh, pardon,
excuse my language,
I didn't notice you there.)
I'm sorry,
have I met you before?
Lovely voice you got.
Coffee sounds nice,
pick you up at 10?
“Shy girl,
too innocent if you ask me,
but what happened that night?
Do tell.”
(Is this love?
Don't mock me,
come, the moon is full,
what?
You make me blush!)
Raspberry?
Hmmm, I approve.
I'm not laughing!
Hey, don't cry.
“Oh, that's it?
And here I thought...
Poor boy,
wonder if he'll
attend the funeral tomorrow.
(So where were you?
I see,
love hurts you know?
Will you forget me?)
It's like yesterday,
but there's rain today.
I slipped,
and I don't know
how to get back up.
Any grammar errors?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I read and read and still did not understand. All I could pick out is some sadness. Anyway good luck.
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im slightly confused... i like it, but im confused, but i get confused easily so dont take offense
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This is a well-penned poem. I like that you have the interruptions. I think they fit well and definitely attributes to the meaning of the poem and the emotion in it.
Thank you for your entry.
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interesting flow . . nice write
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I am a bit lost on this piece,
but it maybe just me, I have been
known to be somewhat slow at times.
It does seem sad.
Good luck in the contest.
Justgot2loveme
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A compliment given to you on your creative way of writing this poem. Emotionally, you have expressed this with excellence.
My best to you in this contest!
Linda
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How sad....This concept is brilliant. A conversation with a fallen Angel? The style works perfectly and the word choice completes it. Excellent write!!!
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This was written well, and made a fantastic story in my mind. I think the way it is constructed makes people make up their own story to fit with it, which is excellent. A great write =)
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Great job. I loved this. fantastic write & the title goes fantastic along with it.
-JM<3
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