I first saw you
lying across
an old brass bed
Black bra
French knickers
and white knee-socks
I do not know
what the billboard
was advertising
but you
you were hotter
than wasabi paste
spread across the bed
staring
at me
Beside the bed
a pitcher of ice-water
and a crucifix in a goldfish bowl
sat
beside
a torn paperback novel
and an unfinished
game of dominoes
Every detail
is part of my picture
of you
and now you
are here
on my bed
in the old fishing cabin
my father built
now
the black bra
and French knickers
are beside you
and we sit
laughing and
cracking walnuts
with a
nut-cracker
shaped exactly like
your legs.
The bread
on the cracked plate
with a pattern
of child-drawn
sunflowers
smells divine
and we break off pieces
to dip into the soup
I heated on the old stove.
We drink warm beer
left too long on the backseat
of your old Volkswagon bug
and wait for the corn to pop
on the cast iron skillet
that was hanging on the cabin wall
Later on
my gold tooth
tingles against
a small silver ring
as my tongue
fishes for your Ben-Wa balls
and you giggle
helplessly
All this I understood
but why
why
did you bring
A broken cigarette
in a brown paper bag?
Author notes
Choose TWO of the items below, incorporate them into your poem,
and quite simply, knock my f#$%ing socks off.
1. Knee socks
2. Ben-Wa balls
3. Wasabi
4. Volkswagon Bug
5. Nut cracker
6. Cast iron skillet
7. Warm beer
8. Gold tooth
9. Brown paper bag
10. Fish bowl
11. Brass bed
12. Dominoes
13. Paperback novel
14. Crucifix
15. Sun flowers
16. Black bra
17. Broken cigarette
18. Ice water
19. Billboard
20. Tongue
2 or 20 what's the difference?
A contest entry
- Your Challenge Is To... by Dalaney.
900 points, ended October 2, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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"............ broken cigarette
in a brown paper bag?............."
lots of good imagery, coherence, relationship characterization, fantasy
also, very intriguing
you end the work with a question
why?
something everyone can identify with
we have all been in a pleasant, unpleasant, comfortable, uncomfortable, nice, not so nice, enjoyable, unenjoyable situation, experience, at work, home, play, vaction
everyone
and we were left the saying why?
why did he do that?
why did you say those bad things about me?
why don't you stop?
why aren't you like your father?
i mean, on and on
but
where your last line approaches genius
is in the context
that "the last question" ("why") will never be answered
and, your mastery of the age old ploy, trick, manipulation of coupling "why", the unanswered, lost treasure of a question
with the sad fact that you are "left holding the bag"
i mean, superbly stupendously terrific
i would give you everything, all my 2185 points if i could
great
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WOW...very nicely done...you used all of the words and drew a delightful story with them. BRAVO
Nevadapoet
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Something in this just made me giggle... as if I was some kinda naughty school-girl reading something forbidden. The integral fun shown in this poem really brought me a lot of delight. Thank you.
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well done
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Dang, what a work of art.
Cant top this..it's great!
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What a wonderful thing to say, thank-you very much.
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Rules are sometimes meant to be broken
I hope you get away with this because it's fantastic
-
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Thank-you, it was a lot of fun to write.
-
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So how about we concentrate on two of them and forget the other eighteen?
Jings, crivvens, and help ma boab! You accuse ME of bending rules! Nice result, though.
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The wasabit paste line was a zinger. Mostly I laughed and enjoyed the fun in all of this. Tour de force.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
but you
you were hotter
than wasabi paste
hahahaha. That's an awesome stanza! Great poem! -
Two!!! Only Two!!!
-
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Want me to try again?
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