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Quest




Orange-red flames pierced the night sky, mightier
than the building they were consuming. Townspeople
stood afar, as fire fighters directed their streams
at surrounding buildings, attempting to protect them
from the shooting sparks.

"It's a shame," the mayor said, "Roxieland was the
heart and soul of the community. These men worked
here all their lives, and we pray they make it through."

Ambulance attendants carefully secured the last
of the dazed employees in the rescue vehicles.

"Mayor," shouted the paramedic, "It's the same
with all of them, can't remember a thing. "

A man named Rayne pushed through the crowd,
shouting excitedly,

"But the formula, ask them! Ask them! Don't they
remember the parts entrusted to them?"

The townspeople gasped, torn with concern over
the workers as well as the loss of the secret formula,
entrusted to families since 1876. The trust had
not been broken for more than seven decades.

If only the safe still held that secret formula
as it did in the year of Roxie's creation.
"Flimsy replica," Rayne thought, " would
be blown up anyway,"

Rayne rushed from ambulance to ambulance,
seeing the workers, the late- night crew escaping
with the first alarm,  not injured but dazed.

"No one remembers! There will be no more Roxie!
There will be riots in the street," he exclaimed!

In a flash, Rayne whirled and headed across the street
for Doc's lab, a solution forming in his head.
He pounded on the door until the white haired Doc,
who had dozed off in his lab, flung it open.

" Son, is it now?" he asked, suddenly wide awake.

"It's now Doc, now or never, if we ever want
to have our Roxie again."

"Son, you know the risks. Is it worth it?"
queried Doc.

"Is there life without Roxie? But, it's gone,
all blown up, the guys all in shock, no memories,
all the Roxie guys." said Rayne as he opened
a locker and took out a worn canvas bag, Levis
and boots, all 1876 appropriate.

He answered himself, "All I've got is you and Roxie, Doc.
There may be no life without Roxie. And what does life
have for you if you never get to test your theory?"

"You're right son.. Here, let me check your bag,"
said Doc, taking it into the power center, muttering
to himself, "foolish tradition, one copy of life's
elixir. Some day, there will be world wide access
to information for everyone. I can see it."

Rayne took a last look at his new, stripped of chrome,
basic model, shining yellow ‘55 Chevy. But it did not
hold his heart and soul as did Roxie. He reached into
the small Frigidaire, popped the cap and downed
a bottle of the addictive Roxie. Almost as an after-
thought, he took out his wallet, pulled out a small
photo and tossed it on the front seat.

"You could still be riding with me, babe. But you walked
your way, leaving me behind. And now, I'm leaving you,"
Rayne said, feeling a new-found exhilaration. Past memories
seemed to vanish as he pulled on his boots, standing tall.

All geared up, Rayne stepped into the power chamber,
as Doc raised the power level. "Son," said Doc.

"I know, I know," said Rayne tensely, but you've tested,
you've set dates and re-set dates. Set 1876."





Rayne, stunned and breathless,, opened his eyes,
finding himself in the dark of a hardware store.
Shakily he made his way to the original wood-framed
Roxieland building across the street, raised the
rear window and entered, passing rows and rows of
bottled Roxie, One touch of Doc's sensor and the
safe opened revealing the handwritten formula.
Opening his bag to secure the paper he found
a note from Doc.

"Son, we gambled, but you have your wish, plenty
of Roxie, a sack of gold coins in the side compartment,
and perhaps the woman of your dreams. I may join
you some day, for what I didn't tell you is
THERE IS NO WAY BACK ."

A bottle cap hits the floor. And another. And another...









In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 49 of 49

  • T-Dizzle Mcnizzle
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    exilerating...thus the saga begins of the precious roxie...it makes me want one. The allure pullls me to continue this saga! On to the next!


    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      February 25
      Edit | Reply
      I had intended to write just this piece,
      but the story---and the readers---wanted more.

      This is an imaginative play on the Maine soft drink,
      Moxe, similar dates and locations! The story, however,
      is fictional---obviously because of the time travel!!!!


  • waydownuponjoy
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    The Quest!

    Well, well my friend,
    I've read the start
    of your beginning tale.
    My eye's been caught
    with this new art
    of monumental scale ...
    Your story line
    seems well aligned
    for poet such as me
    and afterall
    we're of like mind
    we write what minds set free ...

    an ongoing reader, joy




    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      November 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hey, Joy, welcome to the quest.
      Glad you found the beginning of
      the tale. Of course you may guess
      that Roxie is a stand-in for Yem's Moxie,
      and Rayne is patterned after Mayne!

      Thanks for following along!

      M-C


  • FransB gold member
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    As promised

    I got to reading my first Quest!! I enjoyed it simplicity, but depth. I was right into the story! Frans

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hey, Frans! Nice to see you here!
      Well, a blend of fantasy and reality...
      so improbable, but actually happening
      to our brave hero!

      M-C


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant Work

    I like this a lot. I always like stories that involve time travel. You have a very strong plot-line going on here, and your characterization is wonderful too. I love the imagery within this piece.

    I suggest you carry on with this story, and write it to completion. You have done brilliantly-well with this. I would suggest that whatever era your story is based in, you do research for that era, as you have done here. Yes, it is time consuming, but makes the story so much more real. Anyway, well done. I am very impressed.

    Darkest Wishes
    Wayne Leon

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      October 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Wayne Leon!

      It's up to part eight at the moment. Next have to deal with
      a bright yellow 1955 Chevy arriving in 1876 Boston, MA.

      I have discovered that I can't tell a short/short story, but that
      it has to grow on a bit to capture the characters and their
      interactions! And to add a bit of romance!!


      Thank you for stopping in.

      M-C

  • Yemassee gold member
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    For future readers, part two can be found here:

    http://allpoetry.com/poem/4627295


  • GoodCarMa
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I see! How gracious of Yem.
    *curtsies and begs Yem's pardon


  • moon2u
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    OH NO! HOW CAN THIS BE!

    NO MORE ROXIE?

    WAIT THEY HAVE FOUND A SOLUTION...

    YAH! TIME TRAVEL

    BACK TO GET THE SECRET FORMULA.

    UH OH!

    SEEMS THERE IS NO WAY BACK TO THE FUTURE FOR OUR HERO.

    AND NO ROXIE FOR US.

    WHAH!

    What an imagination you have sister of my heart
    I love this one
    giggles Moony

    Is there a part 2

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, Yem would say a contest,
      or a poll, a vote, a taking
      of opinions as to whether
      our hero flourishes in
      1875 and beyond...or....

      this Moxie/Roxie talk is
      turning me Yemish, indeed!


    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, I've been musing about
      a sequel. Oh, well,
      we'll have to see...
      That Doc is pretty clever!

      • moon2u
        September 24, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        there has to be a sequel
        the world cannot live without Roxie
        well actually I could
        but I don't think Yem could
        hehehe


  • Summer52
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I meant that this is the 1st time you wrote a story not a verse. And it's kinda funny, though I was a little "confuse" about "Roxie?" A kind of drink?


    Summer51

    • Summer52
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      It's nice to read this one... different Mumsy.

      Ah... a tonic drink... I remember something like that when I was a kid... but different brand name... but a tonic drink nevertheless. I forgot the name...

      • Aesthete2000 gold member
        September 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Well, I'm helping Yem perpetuate the name of Moxie,
        as if he needed any help!

        He's a very good writer, in case you want someone
        new to read.

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      It's a play on Moxie, a soft drink first made
      as a health remedy, available in Maine, containing
      gentian root, touted as a tonic.

      Yemmassee used to have many links on his page,
      but but not there now. When he reads these comments
      he will most likely restore some!!!

      I used the real name in "Holy Gentian Root"
      but since I left the hero stranded in this piece
      I made fictional names for the product and hero!


  • Summer52
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Uh?... at a loss for words...

    A different Mumsy, eh?

    Great!!!!

    2 thumbs up!


    Summer51

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, summer.
      It's sort of a companion
      to "Holy Gentian Root."
      Yem opened two contests,
      these are my entries.

      I know, the words "contest"
      and "Aesthete" never went
      todether, did they?


  • J aime Coudre silver member
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you have written a fun and exciting story...I think I need a bit of Roxie history to completly 'get' all this but enjoyed it never the less.

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yem had links to lots of Moxie info on his page,
      but now "under construction" they are no longer there.
      I remembered what I had read and went searching,too.
      The real Moxiland was in Boston, but the headquarters
      were moved in 1953. So, in fictional Roxieland I could
      take liberties. Also think "Doc" and "Back to the Future."

      Thank you!

      M-C


  • angelica silver member
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh we all love our unforgettable Rayne and his plight to save Roxie!He drives us nuts sometimes with the dreaded "D" word, but we always forgive him.


    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      And who could not love wit, intelligence,
      writing skill and a strong dash of humor?


      • angelica silver member
        September 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        True M-C he is all that and much much more.

        • Aesthete2000 gold member
          September 23, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Hah! but we do need to watch out
          for head swelling. Don't want
          any of those brains flying out!!!!
          OMG, I'm sounding Yemish!

          • angelica silver member
            September 23, 2008

            Edit | Reply
            OHH Heavens forbid NOOO we'd never hear the end of it!
            He would be unbearable to live with.
            Haha You do sound Yemish! OMG is it catchy?
            With all his many talents the mind boggles
            at the magnificence of this great God..Yemassee


            • Aesthete2000 gold member
              September 23, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              Oh, talent thrives on compliments.
              Now he knows we will be expecting
              even bigger and brighter greatness!!!

  • Yemassee gold member
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    refresh your browser, I fixed the highlight problem in my comment

  • Yemassee gold member
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    There was a Moxieland in Massachusetts, but I think they safeguarded the formula.

    The beginning is a grabber, starting out with the flames, I thought that was a good touch.

    Paragraph 15 (I think) Rayne mysteriously changes into Mayne momentarily. I've done that many times.

    "He reached into the small Frigidaire , popped the cap and downed a bottle of the addictive Roxie."

    Just mentally addictive I assure you...That is right ladies and gentlemen! Buy Moxie, the non-habit forming, thirst quenching treat, sold at better grocers across New England...

    For me, almost more important than the premise itself, is a cleanly written, well worded story. That is the first mistake authors I've read on this site make. Yours doesn't make that mistake, it's clear, well-worded, devoid of lazy colloquialisms (something I sometimes have to check and re-check in my writing...unless, of course it's intentional.) Everyday speech is fine for dialog, but the narration should be, at least in most cases, free of it, but that isn't always the case...maybe because the author is unable to actually write anything other than their everyday speech. I could go on about that but I am boring myself even.

    My only question is, you mention a woman at the end, but unless I missed it, you never introduced her in any way. Maybe mention an old photograph of the Roxie creator's daughter, maybe say Rayne found her attractive...or better yet she was a plain looking woman who Rayne found attractive because, well, all things connected to Roxie are beautiful.

    "A bottle cap hits the floor. And another. And another..."

    Yes, if I suddenly found that I could not go back...the Moxie would be a sufficient solace!

    King Hugh read your contest story, a high honor since he rarely reads...well...as he said.


    Thanks, it was good, and you have the skill to write stories...is that a hint to write more...maybe.

    • GoodCarMa
      September 23, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      in re: the woman

      "Almost as an after-thought, he took out his wallet, pulled out a small photo and tossed it on the front seat.

      "You could still be riding with me, babe. But you walked your way, leaving me behind."

      Unless Aesthete added this portion after your comment, I'm thinking this is where the former lover makes her first entrance.

      • Aesthete2000 gold member
        September 24, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Carma, I was trying to abide by the rules,
        word count was piling up and I hadn't even
        sent him back in time yet. But the gracious
        contest host, Yem, raised the word count,
        and "the woman" was made known where I had
        intended to introduce her! A good reason
        to down some Moxie!

      • Yemassee gold member
        September 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Yes, she added it later, but thanks! Now go write a story for the contest!

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I had caught another "Mayne" but missed that one.
      Fixed it.

      It was getting over the limit I feared,
      so I left out something hatchimg in my head.

      (In an alternate untold story possibility, Rayne left at Doc's doorstep, as a baby, in a basket on the porch, one rainy night.
      but I thought that was overboard. And too many words to include)
      And is there a word counter? Blew my eyes out.

      Yes, I will make reference---it was supposed to come in
      the car scene.

      Thank you!

      If internet/cable does not go out again I will attend to it.
      I disliked leaving it hanging like that.

      • Yemassee gold member
        September 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I increased the word limit to 700, and am allowing another entry per author.

        Ok, bye.

        • Aesthete2000 gold member
          September 23, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Oh, about the hint to write more stories---
          if the actual posting goes as it should,
          probably. So. to avoid screaming at the screen,
          I shall use the shorter lines, which stay in place
          perfectly!

  • angelica silver member
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Dear M-C, Ohh I did enjoy reading your story of how the formula was lost and how Rayne went back in time.
    Geez, what a pity he got stuck there, does that mean we'll never see him again? That would be devastating to have no Yem. You tell the story well.
    Love Joan

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well, I took care to name him Rayne,
      and revolve the story, not around the
      real Moxieland, but in fictional Roxieland.
      And with the power of Roxie, who knows.
      Always room for a sequel!

      Thank you so much, Joan!

      M-C


  • catz Moderators member
    September 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    An interesting story and well written, but who would expect anything less from your pen and mind

    Good luck in the contest
    Dee


    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Dee, you are so kind.

      Thanks for the read and the visit!

      M-C


  • hugh wyles silver member
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Dear M-C,

    A shocking tale of horror!
    "Drink Roxie and see Yemassee as something else"
    Good luck in contest. M-A.
    PS: You know I never comment on contest-entries!

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Egads, I am honored!
      I know well of your committment
      to comments only on non-contest
      pieces beyond your group.
      Well, that never would have
      been a problem, for I had
      never entered a contest until
      that fateful day I entered
      the castle! Thank you for
      making an exception. But
      just think what the world
      is missing, not being
      privileged to receive
      your well-thought-out
      poetic responses. I can
      but make a case for widening
      your horizons, sharing yuor
      thoughts with the whole world!!!

      M-C

      • hugh wyles silver member
        September 24, 2008

        Edit | Reply

        Dear Cleo,

        Oh! My poetry is available for all the world to see.
        They only have to join or visit at ALL-POETRY
        for there they'll find well over seven hundred on my list
        plus a few I've now forgotten and some others that I missed.

        Yet the only loyal faves who read my great poetic gems
        are those who also read the jewels of Ima Q and Yem's.

        Thanks for reading mine. XXX M-A.

        • Aesthete2000 gold member
          September 24, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Ah, blinking lights, still blinking
          on the road runner box, so hurrah,
          I am back in touch again!!!

          Your accomplishments surpass
          my highest expectations!
          Each new read is an adventure
          to fondly treasure!


  • gaze
    September 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I think that is the first time I read a story written by you, and what a first time!
    What could that story be about...
    I like it the way the story evolved, and the remake to back to the future (past). Very fun end with Roxie breathing again in 1876.

    I enjoyed this tale MC!

    • Aesthete2000 gold member
      September 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I definitely had to change the name to Roxie
      as I would never leave our real life Moxie guy
      stranded in the past! Horror of horrors that would be!

      With all the format problems I had, I was thinking it might
      be the last! But by shortening the lines, they would appear
      in the post box as on the screen, not as some garbled
      mess when posted.

      Thank you, Mariza,

      M-C

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