We camped in the car, out of the rain
The first morning we stared together
at the spider in the steering wheel
She hadn’t bothered us, so we let her stay
I didn’t want to leave her there
I wanted to give her something green
to frame her in
You wanted her to just disappear quietly
The second morning, when I rubbed my eyes
two full moons fell out
You couldn’t make me happy, you said
When I cried, you pointed at the moons
“See?”
But it wasn’t you that made me cry
it was your absence.
A contest entry
- we are also what we've lost by jeremiah abel.
600 points, ended October 1, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Reviews Appreciated
Comments
-
it is difficult when someone wants to just disappear quietly
i enjoyed this
are you from hawaii?
-
-
Thanks. and yes, I am.
-
-
curious - why are there missing periods in this poem?
sent you some in length crit on this one, too, I like it..
it reminds of two very different people, it's like he's there, but not, like he doesn't listen to your wants & needs. The title is perfect, happy you framed the spider.
i feel a lot is going on in this poem, a complex relationship within a simple situation.
I think the way he wants to deal with the spider is the way he deals with lots of things.
my interpretation, anyways
-
Interesting title...
The poem is wonderful!!!
♥Becky♥
Adding your comment:
