Full

If I sit here
Eating your food all day
Will I be full enough
So that when you come home
From a long day at work,
Face drenched in sweat
That smells like sugar
To me,
I will not feel
Your gaping hole
That eats at the thing in my chest
To try to fill itself?

I know you don’t mean it,
Though you’d never say so yourself
And of course
I forgive you
You bring me bouquets
Of dirty socks
And forks
And write me love notes
With still lit cigarette butts.
They don’t look
Quite like letters
But I swear
I can make out
The hearts
Among the code.

And although
You don’t weigh down your side of the bed
Because,
Of course,
You’re not really there,
I can feel you
While I don’t sleep
All night
And I don’t dream
But spend hours with you
Somewhere
Where I can change us
Into happy middles
And ever afters;
As for the beginning,
We can scratch it out
And rewrite it,
If we want

Maybe we’ll just
Forget it all together.


I cry for you
When you’re not around.
I don’t know when I lost you
Or how
But you seem to have fallen out of yourself
And broken limbs
Or lied still and
Burnt into the ground
Because you never came back
And I hate myself
More with each passing hand
Of the clock-
I imagine it slaps me
As it goes,
And I beg it to-
For I never saved you
Never saw until
The window for action
Slammed shut on my fingers
And broke them to look
Like the maggots
That crawl inside me.

Every morning for breakfast
I fill myself up
With the hope that
Today
You will fall back into yourself
Wrap your arms like shields around me
Tell me that
You missed me and
You’re not angry
That I didn’t see you fall.

I image then
We would float
Into our own heaven together
And burn time
With the flames in our eyes
That never drifted away
So I could always catch you

I just hope
I don’t have to die
Before I can see you again
For if I do
I’d bet it wouldn’t be
In heaven.